Music for an Ordinary Time
by freerangeegghead
Summary: Summary: Beca doesn't believe in romance & happy endings. It takes her years, a few weddings, a divorce and other forces of nature to realize that life begins outside one's comfort zone. A story about loss, love,friendships,transitions,growing up, acceptance, new beginnings, LIFE. Sequel to "Remembrance of Songs Past".
1. Chapter 1

_Music For An_ _Ordinary Time_

 _ **Characters: Beca Mitchell, Chloe Beale, Jesse Swanson**_

 _ **Movie: Pitch Perfect**_

 _ **Summary: Beca doesn't believe in romance & happy endings. It takes her years, a few weddings, a divorce and other forces of nature to realize that life begins outside one's comfort zone. A story about loss, love,friendships,transitions,growing up, acceptance, new beginnings, LIFE. Sequel to "Remembrance of Songs Past".**_

 _ **Note: Old story, edited/revised for brevity and conciseness. Nothing owned, nothing gained.**_

* * *

Chapter 1

 _ **Power is being told you are not loved and not being destroyed by it. - Madonna**_

Beca had forgotten her lunch date with Jesse.

She'd stayed up all night in front of her laptop alternately mixing music and listening to Moby, Prodigy, Chemical Brothers, Fatboy Slim, 8-Ball, Mum, Sigur Ros, the entire soundtrack of "The Beach" and "Trainspotting", completely fascinated by this entire genre of music that she's managed to miss. She'd spent that whole time lying on her bed, eyes closed, large headphones on her ears, losing herself in the music. She'd actually fallen asleep to the music. She'd forgotten to set the alarm on and as a consequence, slept through the morning, and would have slept through the whole day had it not been for her phone, ringing very loudly, calls from friends - Fat Amy, Stacie, Cynthia Rose, Denise, Jessica's - all promptly going to voicemail. She wonders why everyone is calling her, before she realizes she's late for her lunch date with her husband.

The next few minutes thus are spent spitting out expletives as she jumps out of bed, searches for a clean pair of jeans, a top and long-sleeved shirt she could put on it. She glances at the clock and realizes there is no time to shower, so she pulls her hair back in a ponytail, grabs her keys and purse, puts on her shoes, slams the door of the apartment behind her and upon realizing that her car won't start, and that she cannot find a taxi and the bus will never come on time, decides to jog the few blocks to the latest happening exotic restaurant that Jesse wants to try.

She squints against the sun. She has forgotten her shades and the L.A. sun is harsher and brighter than usual against her eyes. It is hot and she is sweating and she is feeling uncomfortable and after a few blocks she's wheezing and out of breath and curses herself for not going to the gym like she'd promised herself she would. She stops, leans over, rests her palms on her thighs and takes a few deep breaths. Already she feels her side hurting, feels her lungs and throat burn from the exertion, feels her heart pound wildly against her chest. Through the ringing in her ears, she tries to rehearse the nth excuse she's going to tell Jesse for missing the nth date he's set up for them. Traffic? Work? A business meeting? No. She discards each lame excuse as quickly. She's a bad liar anyway. She goes with the truth in this one: she overslept, because she stayed up late, because she was doing her mixes for her gigs, and she'd forgotten to set the alarm, and her car wouldn't start, yada-yada. Jesse would understand. Jesse always understands. Jesse will grin and shake his head and roll his eyes and say, "What am I going to do with you, Beca?" before he puts his arms around her, kisses her forehead and leads her to some movie theater or other for the requisite movie date or otherwise that Jesse insisted they would have ever since they started dating. He, of course, will inevitably give her a running commentary on the film currently being shown, starting from the opening credits, to the acting, to the directing, to the lighting, to the cinematography, to the costume designs, and of course, the soundtrack, always the soundtrack. Lately, his running commentaries have become lengthier, even more agitated, like he's afraid of the emptiness that the silences between his commentaries opens up, preferring instead to fill the emptiness with words and Beca lets him, finding it much better to just let him talk and talk and talk, rather than make him shut up. Beca almost wishes they would check out the Asian Cinema Festival currently showing downtown, since Asian films had a reputation for minimalism that Beca liked, and which almost always shut Jesse up. She remembers that time she and Jesse had done the Asian movie marathon and Jesse had felt restless and disconcerted, not knowing what to make of Akira Kurosawa's films that featured mostly silences and a lot of body language and the elements. They thought it had only been Kurosawa's films, but they'd tried to watch Zhang Yimou's films and it had been the same, and they'd checked out Iranian and Thai and Korean films and they'd all been the same as well. What freaked Jesse out the most where the horror and thriller films, the ones from Japan, "The Ring", "The Grudge" and Park Chan Wook's "Old Boy" - all movies that featured horrifying scenes and sparse dialogue and no music to accompany the terror of a story unfolding in all its glorious horror. Jesse had tried to rectify it by watching European films with her, but that one time they'd watched "Let the Right One In" had Jesse feeling even more depressed. When Beca had wisely raised the issue of his love for Alfred Hitchcock movies and the music that Hitchcock used in most of his movies, Jesse only shrugs, finding Hitchcock fascinating but not in a way that would freak him out. Jesse could not make heads or tails with it - Jesse, with his happy endings and his feel-good movies, his "good-triumphing-over-evil", "glass-is-half-full", roses and balloons and rainbows and sunshine outlook on life - could not deal with the darkness, the dreariness, the despair and desolation that these films depicted. Beca finds that she likes these movies, quite enjoys them, finds them a bit more realistic, more believable, though she would rather not say anything to Jesse. Years of being with Jesse has schooled her in the fine art of cinema appreciation ("Cinema, Beca, not _movies_ ," he would tell her, clearly offended by how much recent movies have devolved since big movie studios took over), but she has never shared his love for the easy and more accessible feel-good blockbuster Steven Spielberg-George Lucas type of movies, preferring Renoir, Godard, Coctaeu, Bergman, Rossellini and aforementioned Asian filmmakers. The sparseness and minimalism serve the kind of art she can find herself appreciating, getting immersed in, and it reflects the kind of person she is. She finds most movies nowadays very boring and predictable anyway, and the soundtrack produced by these same movies equally incredibly boring, predictable and forgettable. Mostly she finds movie soundtracks, especially those for drama and thrillers, manipulative and contrived, intended to elicit some kind of emotion from the audience, compensating with manipulative music when the story is lacking.

She stops, realizing something. That's the thing isn't it? Jesse's just so different from her. She'd already noticed this when they were dating in college, and had obviously noticed this right through graduation and the moving in together that wasn't really moving in together because as soon as they both moved to L.A. they'd both landed gigs, and right through their wedding and marriage - but that difference has never been made more evident than now, when even their movie preferences vary so greatly as to seem so incompatible. She shakes these thoughts away from her mind though as she resumes walking.

She wonders what time it is and realizes she has forgotten her watch - the watch Jesse had given her for her birthday. To her horror, she's realized she's forgotten her wedding ring also. She feels entirely naked without it, seeing the empty space on the ring finger on her left hand where the ring is supposed to be and she feels slightly guilty for having forgotten it on the dresser where's she's put it last night. She takes it off when she gets home, especially when she starts working on her laptop, mostly because she feels slightly impeded by it, feels constricted by it when she's working. Nevertheless she curses herself for having forgotten it now.

She stops at a red light and impatiently waits for it to turn green, hoping Jesse wouldn't feel so angry at her. She wonders how she can make it up to him and runs through the many things she's done in the past that has helped her get into his good graces.

By the time she gets to the restaurant, it's been a good forty five minutes or so and she already knows, even without asking the waitperson, or looking around, that Jesse has left. She knows Jesse always keeps his appointments, and always comes on time, or at least a few minutes before, and as she stands by the sidewalk, wondering what to do next, she decides to head back. She reaches into her pocket to give Jesse a call but then realizes she's forgotten her mobile phone also. " _Fuck_ ," she mutters angrily, feeling stupid for having forgotten her mobile phone as well. As she stands there, wondering what to do next, she spies a cab slowing down and stopping just in front of the restaurant, so she hurriedly gets into cab, gives the cab driver instructions on where to go and settles back on the seat as the cab driver guns it down the street to their apartment.

* * *

At first, Beca thinks Jesse isn't home.

The apartment looks empty, nothing is out of the ordinary.

When she unlocks the door, she doesn't see anyone at first, but then as she drops her keys on the table by the front door, she hears a barely audible sound coming from the living room and as she walks down the hallway and into the room, she sees Jesse, sprawled on the couch, back towards her, watching what seems to be their wedding video. She stops just by the entrance to the living room, eyes going from the back of Jesse's head, to the video itself, as the shaky camera videos Jesse and the other former members of the Treblemakers duking it out on an old-fashioned riff-off with the former members of the Barden Bellas, Aubrey, Fat Amy, Stacie, Chloe and the others. She sees everyone laughing and toasting and singing, always the singing. And she sees herself in one corner, just watching everyone else, and then cut to the next scene, when she's tossing the bridal bouquet and Jessica, Jessica catches it and the camera zooms in on Jessica grinning triumphantly as she brandishes the bouquet in front of her like a talisman. Beside her, Beca sees Justin, tone deaf a capella fanatic, grinning and giving everyone else a thumb's up sign. Then Beca realizes something. Oh, _shit_. Jessica and Justin's wedding. It's next month. Or is it a few weeks from now? Or maybe a few days? _Fuck_ , she thinks to herself. She could swear she has the invite somewhere. She knows she's confirmed herself and her husband, but she isn't entirely sure when the wedding is supposed to be. When did she get so absent-minded and forgetful? She wants to kick herself for this.

As she stands there, lost in her own thoughts, she notices a subtle movement from Jesse, notices Jesse's right hand go up to his face. She wonders if he's tired. She knows he'd just come back from Vancouver, where he'd been shooting a CWB television show, one of those teen shows that's such a hit these days, except this time he's not passing himself off as a teenager anymore, but as one of the teachers. She'd just caught the latest episode on the internet and it had been a good episode, and she finds herself wondering, for the nth time, how the guy who'd dreamed of making movie soundtracks for Hollywood, ended up being an actor instead. A freak accident, she thinks. Once they both graduated, they'd both moved to L.A., Beca to pursue DJing and Jesse his dream of creating soundtracks for movies. But he'd been spotted once during a Trebles performance by an agent, who signed him right then and there, and predictably, his first gig, his debut, is a movie musical, one which becomes a minor hit, and it allows him to get more acting jobs and as he becomes more in-demand - directors like working with him because he has a nice, non-threatening, likeable face and personality that the audience can easily relate to, producers like him because he has an impressive work ethic and an attitude that proclaims to the world that he likes what he is doing, actors like working with him because unlike other actors, he shows up to work on time, knows his lines, is not drug-addled or intoxicated, rarely has to do more than a couple of takes per scene, gets along with everyone, the media like him because he is always polite and generous in his interviews, fans like him because he always tries to accommodate them, shippers like him because he doesn't take ship names so seriously. He has become the go-to guy for any movie exec looking for an earnest boy-next-door type of guy who can easily build chemistry with his co-star and he has built a small, steady career out of playing boy-next-door types with a loyal fanbase and a steady paycheck. The more acting jobs he got, the farther away from his movie-soundtrack-making-dream he was, and although at first he'd bemoaned this fact, and the fact that he never got to see Beca or that he never even got to do stuff like kick back and relax, lately he seems to have accepted this and has even started enjoying his life.

She must have made some kind of movement because Jesse suddenly starts and turns around and sees Beca there, behind him, staring at him, and Beca offers a feeble, apologetic smile as she says, "Hey."

"Hey," he says, smiling automatically at her.

Beca smiles back. There is a silence that punctuates this exchange of greetings and Beca is suddenly aware of how awkward everything seems to be. Jesse is silent, as if debating what to say next. Beca doesn't know what to say, doesn't know what to do, as she stands there, feeling a bit ridiculous and stupid. She doesn't know whether Jesse is upset or not, and doesn't know how to start apologizing to him. She stands there, shifting her weight from one foot to the next, feeling restless as she shoves her hands into the pockets of her jeans.

The silence stretches, interrupted only by the ticking of the clock on the wall, the clock that Jesse also bought her because she just refuses to wear a watch and prefers to use her mobile phone to check the time.

She suddenly can't stand the silence and the awkwardness, so she blurts out, "You weren't at the restaurant."

Jesse is quiet for a little while, before he runs his hand on his dark mop of hair and says, "Yeah. I'd been waiting for a couple of hours. I thought you weren't coming. So I left."

Oh, _shit_ , Beca thinks. She'd been off by at least three hours at least, if Jesse had been waiting a couple of hours at the restaurant. He'd been gone an hour when she'd arrived.

Beca doesn't know what to say to her husband. Jesse's face is expressionless, unreadable. There are dark circles under his eyes, his eyes a bit reddish, from lack of sleep she thinks. There is a tiredness around him, a slump to the shoulders, a sense of defeat, that Beca doesn't understand. She ignores it in favor of an apology.

"I'm so sorry," she begins, taking a tentative step towards her husband. "I'd been working all night at the club, and kind of got some ideas for some mixes and kind of stayed up all night trying to do some mixes and I forgot to set the alarm and I overslept and the car wouldn't start and…"

Jesse nods absent-mindedly, indicating that he'd noticed the car outside. He cuts her off before she can continue though, and before she gets to the couch. "Beca, we need to talk."

Beca knits her eyebrows. Jesse's tone is serious, his expression somber. She wonders briefly what he wants to talk about. She knows she's missed a few lunch and dinner dates with him and knows that with the crazy working hours they both keep, plus the places that both their jobs take them (last time, Jesse had been in Prague shooting a movie, and she'd been in New York dj-ing) had turned their life upside down, and they hadn't been spending time together as much as they should, ever since they graduated from college, but that's to be expected with the kind of jobs they'd taken on. She is about to speak again, about to apologize again, when she takes a seat beside him, when Jesse puts up a hand. With the other hand, he pauses the video, takes his time doing so, before he turns to Beca again.

Jesse looks at Beca for a long time, not speaking, only studying her face with his dark eyes that Beca starts to feel uncomfortable and begins to squirm in her seat. But before she could speak, Jesse sighs and says, "Beca…as you know I love you…"

Beca smiles. "I love you, too."

Jesse smiles sadly now. "I know you do, Beca. But…" and here he stops, hesitates, knits his eyebrows, as if he is thinking what to say next, before he says, "Lately, I've been feeling…unhappy…"

This statement, at first, feels lost on Beca, doesn't even sink in as Jesse continues to speak. Jesse, thinking Beca needs more elaboration, hurriedly explains, "Now, don't get me wrong. I've been really happy with you, and we've had some awesome times together…but…I don't know…I've had a lot of time to think about this and I think…I think…we need to spend some time apart…"

It takes seconds for what Jesse has said to sink in before Beca says, in confusion and disbelief, "Spend some time apart? What do you mean? We already spend so much time apart, Jesse…"

Jesse nods. "I know, I know, Beca. But that's the thing, we've never actually _been_ together, like, as a couple, a proper married couple, doing all these things, since we got married, or even _before_."

"Well, that can be easily remedied," Beca says. "We could do all that old married couple stuff if you wanted. But you're always off somewhere shooting a television show or other…"

"And you're off to god knows where dj-ing for some new, hot and happening club or other," Jesse says, with a smile.

Beca nods, understanding. "I know. I'm sorry. I guess we should…figure this out or something, right?"

Jesse smiles again. "Except you love your job and I have all these commitments and…"

Beca shrugs. "I'm sure we can work this out…"

Jesse shakes his head. "You don't understand, Beca," Jesse says, softly now. "I…For the longest time…Beca..I've been feeling like…I don't know…"

Jesse hesitates, and he looks down at his hands, studies his fingers, and Beca follows his gaze, and finds that like her, he isn't wearing their wedding ring either, and in that instant, something dawns on Beca, something that being with someone for ten years, used to their habits and mannerisms and speech patterns and quirks, makes her realize what he is trying to say and she blurts it out before she could stop herself, "Are you breaking up with me?"

And Jesse swallows and somehow manages to look uncomfortable and ashamed and embarrassed and foolish and sheepish and pained all at the same time and he hesitates and in that hesitation, Beca realizes that he is, that he is trying to break up with her and as this becomes clear to Beca, Beca feels something stir within her, anger, disbelief, but mostly anger, as she stares at Jesse and says, "Seriously, Jesse? Seriously?"

"I'm…I'm…not…I just need a break…From this…From us….Maybe we need some time apart…" Jesse starts to stammer then, he starts to ramble, ramble about a lot of things, start to rattle off all the things he thinks are wrong in their relationship, but Beca doesn't hear any of it, in fact, her mind starts to drift off as she just continues to stare at her husband, now soon-to-be ex-husband as he talks about moving out and packing his things, and how he's actually started renting a place in this quiet neighborhood somewhere and in an instant, she can remember thinking that they seemed okay, last time they saw each other. They'd gone out on a date, had caught up with each other's lives, had even made plans on what they were going to do on their tenth anniversary…

Oh, _fuck_ , Beca realizes. She's forgotten their anniversary. She had fucking forgotten their anniversary. She wants to kick herself now. Maybe she can still do some damage control before it's too late.

So as Jesse rambles on and on and on, she comes back into the conversation and says, "It's the date, isn't it? You're pissed off I'd forgotten today was our anniversary. Jesse…I'm sorry. I hadn't meant to…seriously. It kind of slipped my mind…"

Jesse gives her a glare. "How could our anniversary just slip your mind?" he asks now.

His reaction to that confirms, in Beca's mind, why he's suddenly on this break-up tangent and she hurriedly tries to repair whatever damage she's done, going through possible apologies she could say, but Jesse doesn't let her, in fact, he looks at Beca now with much sadness and he says, "This is like the hundredth time you've forgotten our anniversary."

"That is _so_ not true and you know it," Beca says.

"Yes it is," Jesse says now, his voice suddenly louder. "Yes, it is," he says, softly now. He stops now, thinking of his next words, before he looks up and says, "Beca…I…We…"

Beca cuts him off. "There's someone else isn't it?"

When Jesse hesitates, looks at Beca, puzzled, Beca knows this is all the confirmation she'll ever need as she says, "Oh, my god, there is. There so is."

As she stands up and goes to the window, heart suddenly beating wildly away in her chest, Jesse stands up and goes to her, and says, "Beca…I…"

"Look me in the eye and tell me there isn't someone else," Beca demands now, looking at him directly.

For a moment, Jesse recoils from the anger he can see in Beca's eyes. He begins to deny it, before looking up and sighing and decides against it when he sees Beca's glare directed at him. Then, with a slump of defeat, he says, "Yeah. There's someone else, Beca. There's someone else."

Beca doesn't know what possesses her to do what she does next.

But as she looks at Jesse with his boy band looks and his boy band niceness and his boy band voice, she kind of starts thinking about other things, wonders if this is really happening, wonders if the guy she's been with since college has just decided to break up with her and she finds her anger that has been slowly building up inside her, a cold, cold, coil of anger spring up and as Jesse leans over Beca finds her left hand curling into a fist and in a split second her left fist springs up and connects with Jesse's face and she hears the crack of bone as she hits Jesse's nose and it all seems to happen in slow motion as she sees his face crumple up with pain, sees his head snap back, hears him yelp with pain, sees him land on the floor on his knees with a thud.

Then as she stands there staring at him moaning about his nose, sees a bit of the blood coming down from his nose, she finds herself kicking him hard with a powerful kick to the groin and she hears his sharp intake of breath as the pain hits him full force and he falls down on the floor, writhing in pain as she feels the anger recoil, feels herself calm down.

And she steps over him, stops, says, "I'll be gone in a few hours. You'd better be gone when I'm back", before she marches towards the front door, grabs her keys, and slams the door behind her with a painful finality that seems to send a jolt of pain through her.

She pauses by the doorstep, briefly not knowing what to do, before she takes a deep breath, and walks off down the street.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Beca wakes up with a jolt when the alarm on her bedside rings very harshly and loudly. She'd only recently fallen asleep, having stayed up all night, unable to sleep, lying on her bed, staring up at the ceiling, curtains drawn, bedroom dark, listening to Simple Mind's "Don't You Forget About Me", hers and Jesse's song, over and over and over again. Before that, she'd spent the better part of the day just hunched in front of her laptop, on her bed, covered by a blanket, wads of tissues surrounding her, as she watched "Jaws", the "Indiana Jones" movies and the "Star Wars" ones. She had debated watching all six of the Star Wars movies, but had found herself enjoying it, particularly "Empire Strikes Back" and "Revenge of the Sith" - both movies' darkness and bleakness perfectly mirroring what she is feeling now. It takes her awhile before she gets to "The Breakfast Club", but when she does, she stays glued to her laptop screen, finding herself smiling when Ally Sheedy makes snow with her dandruff, when Molly Ringwald puts lipstick on her lips from her boobs, finds herself laughing softly at the characters' general antics, but then as the first strains of "Don't You Forget About Me" start to play as Judd Nelson's character accepts the earring from Molly Ringwald's character, Beca finds herself crying, again, and she finds herself asking herself, "What the fuck is wrong with me? It's a fucking movie, for fuck's sake!" But she already knows this is the closest she can get to actually feeling Jesse near her and she has realized that she misses him.

A few weeks ago, when Jesse had told her he had wanted some time apart, which is almost always a prelude to a separation, and eventually divorce (she should know, her own mother and father had one of those conversations that had ended up in a very messy, very bitter divorce, angry alimony arguments and a bitter custody battle over her that left her angry most of junior high and high school), she had thought he was kidding, she had thought it was all a joke, and when she'd come back to the apartment, he'd still be there, smiling his boyish grin and telling her it was all a funny April Fool's joke, even though it wasn't April at all. By the time she found herself in front of her apartment again, it was nearly dark, the L.A. sun had nearly set and she'd staunchly convinced herself that Jesse hadn't wanted a separation from her. No, maybe she'd misunderstood. Maybe what he wanted was just some time to himself and after he's had some time alone, he'll realize how ridiculous he's being and he's going to come back and everything will be normal again because _fuck_ , this was exactly the reason why she didn't do relationships or marriage or the whole family with two point five kids and the white picket fence thing - because people _leave_ , in the end they _leave_ , and if Jesse really wants out of their marriage, then he has just proven her theory right.

So, yeah, Jesse couldn't have wanted a separation right? Or worse, a divorce, right? This is Jesse Swanson, for fuck's sake. Good ol' reliable Jesse, who's always been there even when the worst of Beca's neurotic, damaged bullshit, who'd been there through everything, from the trouble with the Bellas, to the trouble with the family and the stepmonster, to her struggles with work, to everything else. Jesse's always been there. Like furniture. Like the sky. Like the sun. She hadn't actually imagined that one day he'd want to _not_ be there for her any longer. By then she has convinced herself so fiercely that Jesse is still inside the apartment she actually starts to believe her own lie, until her key turns in the lock, she opens the door to the apartment, and finds that it is empty, as empty as it has always been whenever Jesse is away, and as she takes a few steps into the apartment, she realizes that the apartment is different somehow, that something is wrong. Upon closer scrutiny she realizes what's different. The apartment seems a bit less complete somehow, feels a bit hollow. When she glances at the shelves, at the walls, at the tops of cabinets and dressers and tables, she realizes why: there are spaces now, where the dust has never formed, where framed photographs used to be and have been hastily removed, there are spaces on shelves where LPs and EPs and CDs and DVDs and VHS tapes where, hastily pulled out and probably put in boxes, for fear that they be thrown out of the apartment with all the rest of the stuff that Beca had made it known she had a dislike before. She realizes that Jesse's atrocious, framed collection of original Star Wars posters have been taken down, a graduation gift from Benji, Jesse's roommate and best friend. When Beca goes to their room, she finds all his stuff is gone, too, his clothes from their closet, jeans, shirts, jackets, sneakers, leather shoes, underwear, socks, watches, books, other assorted things. She doesn't know, but her breath hitches, she feels like she's been punched in the gut, there's a sense of finality here, a sense of emptiness, a sense of something ending, and she finds herself sinking at the edge of the bed, the bed that she'd once shared with Jesse and for a few moments she is unable to feel anything. There is silence, so much silence in her room, in the apartment. And suddenly she feels it: a rush of something indescribable, pain, sadness, a yawning, gaping hole, a deep, unfathomable emptiness, despair, desolation, depression, a sense of deep and profound failure, a sense that she's disappointed not only herself, but everyone else, especially Jesse.

And she feels the tears rolling down her cheeks.

* * *

She glances at the clock beside the bed and realizes that it's a little before ten and she'd slept in again. She turns, lies flat on her back, stares up at the ceiling, blinks once, twice, before she stretches and yawns and throws the bedcovers off of her body. With growing irritation, she reaches for her iPod and changes the song. Simple Mind's "Don't You Forget About Me" has been playing over and over and over, and if it is possible, she is actually probably literally physically sick and tired of the song. She goes through her iPod songs and one song stands out and she stops, stares at the title, and realizes she hasn't heard this in a while. She puts it on loop and starts to play it.

As the song starts to play, fills her room with sound and voice and rhythm and melody, she turns the volume up when the chorus comes up, humming along with the song.

" _I'm bullet proof_

 _Nothing to lose_

 _Fire away, fire away…_

She goes to the bathroom to take a shower and as the hot water hits her skin, the room fills with steam, she starts to sing with the song, screaming the chorus in wild abandon, voice cracking as she does so, and she ends up crying in the shower, like she's done many times these past few days, and she sighs, tries to tell herself to get a grip, but she finds herself sobbing, feels stupid, because it's been weeks, but it still feels like yesterday.

" _Ricochet, you take your aim_

 _Fire away, fire away…"_

She feels so alone, so isolated, so lonely.

She is a mixture of emotions. She is still depressed. Angry. But mostly depressed. Her left hand is still throbbing and aching and painful where she had punched Jesse. She feels sorry now that she has punched Jesse. Jesse hasn't called or emailed or indicated that he might have changed his mind or had just been kidding about the whole sordid affair. There were times when she'd found herself on the verge of calling her now ex-husband, but when she starts hearing the phone on the other end ring, she ends the call, completely losing courage. She tells herself she should at least have a bit of pride, and not beg Jesse to give her another chance because how pathetic would that be? To beg your husband to take you back? To grovel? To cry? To admit you are lonely and lost and alone? Very pathetic.

" _Shoot me down, but I won't fall…_

 _I am titanium…_

 _Shoot me down, but I won't fall…_

 _I am titanium…"_

Once she finishes her shower, and eats breakfast of cereals and black coffee as she watches the morning show, while working on her computer, electronic keyboard, mixer, sheet music, notepad and pens, writing down random notes and words, the entertainment segment of the morning show appears, and the host trades barbs and gossip with his co-host, before they start talking about the summer movies everyone should watch out for, and at first she just lets the show play, in the background, like white noise. But then she doesn't know why, but she catches the name Jesse Swanson and she turns and there he is, her ex-husband, smiling for the camera as he talks about the college road trip sex comedy that he shot over in Vancouver last year while on hiatus from his television show and is now promoting. Jesse had given her an idea about what the movie was and already Beca knows it's the kind of movie that she will not enjoy and she silently is relieved she doesn't have to sit through during the inevitable premier in Los Angeles.

She feels guilty at this thought and she sighs and tries to push down the sadness she feels again.

As she puts her bowl of cereal down, and stares at the screen, stares at Jesse grinning and politely answering questions, practiced polite answers coming out of his mouth so easily, Beca's heart seizes. He looks handsome. He looks young and boyish, in his jeans and shirt and jacket as he jokes and possibly even flirts with the very beautiful and obviously very flirty female host.

Beca wants to grab the remote control, but she is afraid that instead of turning off the television with it, she will end up hurling the remote at the screen, so she sits there, glued to the spot, watching, mesmerized, as her ex-husband charms the very flattered, and now very flustered female host.

As she stares at Jesse's image on the screen, she wonders to herself, at what precise point could she have changed the course of her marriage with Jesse? At what point in every part of their journey together as a couple could she have chosen one path, instead of the other, so as to have saved their relationship and so avoid the inevitable divorce this failed marriage is headed to? Should she have not followed her dreams? Should she have compromised with Jesse when he'd brought up the prospect of settling down? Should she have agreed to have children? Should she have chosen that job offered to her in San Francisco? Or New York? Jobs that offered stability and security, but also unbelievable boredom and tedium and routine?

Or maybe she should have gone back earlier. Maybe she shouldn't have said yes whenever he asked something. Because Jesse always had a way of making her say yes, even when she wasn't sure, or wasn't too confident, or wasn't ready. It wasn't that she minded, but each time she said yes, it also meant she was closer to being even more vulnerable, even though Jesse was the picture perfect ideal guy any girl would kill to spend forever with. So, maybe she should have thought twice before saying yes to Jesse when he'd proposed. Maybe she shouldn't have agreed to move in with him so soon after graduation. Maybe she shouldn't have decided so soon freshmen year in college that he was the one for her.

Maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

Too many maybes.

* * *

It doesn't help that her father, Dr. Mitchell is no help.

"So…you and Jesse, Beca…" Dr. Mitchell begins now, hesitantly, cautiously, as he sips his wine and looks at Beca carefully through the top of his glass.

"God, dad, _ugh_ , seriously?" Beca blurts out now, irritated. "You couldn't have waited 'til dessert at least to bring that up?"

Before Beca can say anything else and her father can respond, the wait staff thankfully comes with their orders and as the woman sets their orders down on the table, there is a silence that each one welcomes with relief.

"Beca…" he begins.

"Dad, don't start," Beca says, curtly, refusing to look her father in the eye. "I'm seriously not in the mood for your fatherly advice or lectures on how much I've fucked up my life."

"Beca, language and that's not why I came," Dr. Mitchell says.

"Oh yeah?" Beca asks now. "Then why did you come?"

"I…" Dr. Mitchell hesitates before he sighs, and says, "I came to see if you were okay. Jesse called me and told me what happened…"

"Ugh, is there anything you guys don't talk about?" Beca mutters now in disgust.

"Beca," Dr. Mitchell says. "He knew you weren't going to say anything and he had wanted me to know about it from him, not from anyone else, or god forbid the tabloids."

Beca looks at him. "And what, you're on _his_ side?"

"Beca _please_ ," Dr. Mitchell says now.

"Because _he_ left me, dad," Beca says now.

"Oh, Beca," Dr. Mitchell says now. "It takes two to make a relationship work, and two to destroy it. I don't know what happened between the two of you, but clearly it's been going on for a while now, else why would Jesse ask for a divorce?"

Beca is silent now.

"Pity though," Dr. Mitchell says. "I liked him. He was a rather nice young man." He thinks about this for a moment, before he turns to Beca now and says, "But sometimes, I can't help but think it might have had something to do with you and how you push people away…"

"Dad…"

"And the thing with you, Beca, is, you're a quitter," Dr. Mitchell says now. "You were a quitter then, and you're a quitter now."

"Dad, stop it, _please_."

"And getting a divorce from Jesse, that's taking the easy way out."

"Dad, you don't even know what went on between Jesse and I, and you have no right to sit there judging me for the things I've done in my life."

Beca thinks of saying more to her father, but finds she cannot really, and realizes she is exhausted. Completely and absolutely exhausted, and that she doesn't really want to talk about her divorce from Jesse right now, or anything for that matter. She hasn't seen her father in a while, and realizes she has missed him, but she feels like she isn't really ready to talk about her marriage to Jesse with him.

So she walks out on him.

* * *

She catches sight of the thick white business envelope addressed to her that sits on the living room table. The white envelope has been there for days now. She has opened it, took out the contents, folded and unfolded the pieces of paper, but still cannot accept its contents.

She is actually afraid to take it out. As if doing so would cement this situation she is in.

Already her father keeps calling her, wanting to talk to her, wanting to meet up with her the next time he is in L.A. but she never answers his calls, always waits for his calls to go to voicemail. She refuses to reply to his emails or his instant messages.

She ignores everything, grabs a whiskey and drinks, hoping this could numb the pain.

Beca is dreaming of bass beats and chord progressions done up in full Van Gogh style kind of painting, with the colors vibrating against her mind's eye, and she feels herself standing in front of all that color before she feels the ground shake beneath her feet and she looks down and in her mind's eye she can see a large hole opening up to devour her and she falls and falls and falls.

She a thud. Hears a disembodied voice calling out her name in the distance.

She opens her eyes and hears someone knocking on the door. She doesn't want to answer it, but the insistent doorbell ringing and the pounding on the door, forces Beca to get up from the bed, where she has spent the better part of the evening thinking about what went wrong with her relationship with Jesse, a past time she's been trying to unsuccessfully wean herself out of, since dissecting her decomposing relationship with her ex-husband is an exercise in futility that can quickly spiral into depression. She had wondered if she had other relationships that had the same pattern. She had been recalling past relationships prior to Jesse Swanson and she is horrified to find out that she hadn't had much in the way of relationships in the first place, that she couldn't recall any one special prior to Jesse. There were the occasional dates she went to in high school, but nothing really serious, except for this guy, junior year or senior year in high school, an emo kind of guy who was in some kind of rock band that she semi-dated but hadn't been serious with.

She angrily and grudgingly trudges to the door, half-asleep, half-awake in her shirt and sweatsuit, checks to see who it is and she opens the door, and is greeted with the image of her ex-husband, standing on her doorstep at a little after one in the morning, shivering slightly in the early morning air, with a sheepish, awkward smile on his face and a hopeful look in his eyes. She pauses when she sees Jesse standing there, before she takes one look at him and slams the door on his face.

But the doorbell rings again, so she opens the door and glares at Jesse's sheepish face.

"Um, morning, sorry to bother you, but I need to get something in the bedroom, if that's okay with you Beca," Jesse mumbles, refusing to meet Beca's eyes.

Beca just nods, wordlessly, as Jesse makes his way to the bedroom.

Beca stands there for a few seconds, before she decides to follow him.

When she gets there, Jesse is opening and closing drawers with practiced ease, drawers that used to house his stuff.

She leans by the doorway, growing irritated by the second as she looks at Jesse going through her stuff.

"What are you doing?" she finally asks.

"I…I'm looking for something…I…" Jesse mutters as he goes through drawers one more time.

"Jesse, not that I don't enjoy these little visits, but what are you doing?"

Convinced that it isn't there, Jesse straightens up and says, "Sorry, it's my grandmother's locket, I think I lost it. And I just wanted to make sure it wasn't here or anything."

"Well, clearly it's not here," Beca says. "So, if you could stop going through my stuff now, Jesse that would be great. They're not your stuff anymore…"

"Beca…" Jesse implores her now. He advances towards her now. "Beca, _please_."

Beca is silent for a few seconds, before she steps to one of the drawers, pulls it out, rummages through it, pulls something out, and holds it up for him to see. It is the locket that Jesse is looking for.

"Is this what you're looking for?" she asks, and before he can answer, she throws it to his face.

There is a visible hurt on Jesse's face, as the locket hits his face, but he stays calm and says, wearily, "Beca, it's late, I'm tired, I have an early day today, and I really, _really_ , don't want to fight right now."

"Fine," Beca says. "I need you to leave now."

Jesse is silent.

"Beca…"

"I said, _leave_ ," Beca repeats now.

"Beca…" Jesse says again, hurt evident on his face. "I don't want to do this. I _really_ don't."

" _Fine_ ," Beca says now, folding her arms in front of her. "Were you ever going to tell me about whoever you were sleeping with, Jesse? I mean, who was she, Jesse? Some stupid bimbo you met on the set…? Some fan girl you met at Comic Con…?"

"Beca, _stop_."

"I mean, for fuck's sake, Jesse, you couldn't wait til at least after the divorce before you…" The lump in her throat stops her from continuing.

And then Jesse loses it. Suddenly Jesse is shouting at her. "There's no one else, Beca! There never was!" This shuts Beca up. Jesse takes a deep breath. "There was never anyone else, Beca. There was just you."

Beca is surprised, his words silencing her for a few moments. "Then why would you …Why would you lie about that? Why would you say that?"

It is Jesse's turn to be silent. Then he speaks up. "I just..." He looks up at her, and there's obvious hurt and pain in his eyes. "Because…Beca, we're best _friends_. We're _roommates_. You don't love me…not really…"

"I _do_ love you, Jesse…" Beca interrupts.

"I know you love me, Beca," Jesse says. "But you're not _in_ love with me."

"I don't even know what that means, Jesse," Beca says. "I mean, I loved you. _Love_ you. In my own way."

"And what way is that, Beca?" Jesse asks now. When Beca doesn't answer, Jesse says, "You think you know, Beca, but really, you don't." When Beca continues to be silent, Jesse continues, "Come on, Beca, let's not pretend anymore. This wasn't the greatest marriage ever and you know it. It just wasn't working anymore…"

There is silence between them now.

Beca just stands there, not knowing what to say. What did everything that Jesse just said even _mean_? About them just being roommates? Being best friends? About loving someone and being _in_ love with someone? Was there a difference between them? How could he say that? How could he say she didn't love him? How could he think about these things?

"Divorce papers….Beca…." Jesse is saying now. "Are you even listening to me right now?"

Beca comes out of her thoughts and focuses her eyes on Jesse.

Jesse looks visibly upset. "Are you even listening to me Beca? Are you…Are you zoning out again? Are you doing that thing again where you're doing mixes on your head…because god…I really _hate_ it when you _do_ that…"

"Sorry, what?" Beca asks now.

Jesse just stares at her in exasperation. "The divorce papers, Beca. When are you signing them?"

When Beca doesn't say anything, Jesse just looks at her, before he marches off, footsteps receding down the hall. The slam of the front door jolts her, makes her grimace.

And she cries.

And cries.

And cries.

And cries until there are no more tears left.

Until all that is left are puffy, swollen, red eyes, dark circles and a hollowness at the pit of her stomach that she can never get rid of, and a hole in her soul. And a deep regret and sadness for what has happened to her.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

There's a wedding.

There's a wedding and there's going to be gowns and tuxes, and altars, and wedding songs and dances and toasts and it's by two friends of hers from Barden.

There's a wedding and she has a hangover and she looks like a mess and wouldn't you know? The first person she sees is Jesse Swanson.

* * *

Jesse Swanson is the last person on earth Beca expected to see at Justin and Jessica's wedding.

Her heart seems to stop for a moment. She feels breathless. Her heart is pounding.

In retrospect she should have anticipated it, since Jesse, being Jesse, is friends with Justin, and of course, Jessica being a Barden Bella is by extension a friend of Beca's, so of course both would remember to invite Jesse as well. Beca isn't sure if the rest of the Bellas or Trebles or any of the Barden and non-Barden friends that Jesse and Beca had, outside of Fat Amy, Stacie, Cynthia Rose and Lilly, know about the divorce, but if they do, they are very good at pretending like everything is normal. In fact, Beca can already guess that it would have been awkward for Justin and Jessica _not_ to invite Jesse, even if they _had_ known through the grapevine that the golden couple of Barden University's a capella community are no longer together, since though Justin and Jessica had known each other at Barden through the riff-offs and the Bellas and Trebles connection, it had been through Jesse and Beca's wedding that the two had actually reconnected.

Everything would have been alright, actually, even though she had gone to the wedding drunk and smelling of alcohol and was feeling very embarrassed, guilty and self-conscious by the second. With a sinking feeling, she instinctively knows that everybody else knows about her and Jesse.

As the wedding ceremony ends, she actually spots Jesse, where the other Barden alums are. And as she stares at him in his handsome tuxedo as he chats and jokes with the other guests, the feeling that Beca had thought had gone away the past few hours had come back - the feeling of being small, insignificant, and completely inadequate and unworthy - until she realizes that her vision is becoming blurry, that her eyes are pooling with tears. She spots a woman standing beside him and she doesn't know what to say. Suddenly she feels the urge to hug and punch Jesse at the same time. The other Bellas seem to notice Jesse, too, and one by one, they steal a glance her way, to see if she is okay, and she smiles this fake smile to everyone, making certain everyone knows she is fine. When everyone stands up right after Justin and Jessica kiss each other and the priest announces that they are now husband and wife (Beca resists the urge to snort), Beca is positively miserable as she stands up herself to half-heartedly clap for the newlyweds. But then Fat Amy slips an arm in Beca's arm and she asks, "You okay, Beca?"and finds herself nodding, even though she's suddenly feeling despondent, but thankfully Fat Amy doesn't press the issue and her friends tug at her and she follows the rest of the wedding guests out of the church.

Deep inside though, there's this anxiety and agitation and nervousness that settles on her as if she isn't really sure whether she should stay or go, and all she can think of doing is curling up in a ball and crying again, like she did the many days and weeks after Jesse had asked for space, then a separation, then a divorce. But she's also Beca Mitchell, formerly Beca Mitchell-Swanson, and she wants to show everyone that she's actually cool with everything so she ends up following everyone to the reception after. She feels like it seems rude not to, and so she finds herself at the wedding reception, in a nice hotel atop a hill overlooking the rest of L.A., with a swimming pool outside and a nice view of the city, listening to, of all things, an 80s tribute band doing covers of Ace of Base, Madonna, Pat Benatar and Roxette on the stage as everyone is attempting what appears to be some form of dancing, which involves flailing, thrashing, throwing their hands in the air and waving them from side to side, putting their ass out and shaking them desperately, kicking their feet out or back, like doing a bad impersonation of wild horses or bulls attacking matadors during a bullfight, or an excited pack of gibbons, whilst Fat Amy is in the middle encouraging everyone, in a very, very loud voice, to "Go forth and _conjugate!_ "

As the wedding reception kicks into high gear, and people get more and more drunk, Beca is feeling more and more left out as the minutes tick by and is consequently also feeling a headache coming on. The novelty of watching people drink and dance and generally make fools of themselves on the dance floor has worn off, and in a little while, she sees familiar faces, friends from college - Lilly in one corner chatting with Donald, Bumper off to one corner catching up with a clearly and increasingly unamused and incredulous Fat Amy, Denise talking to Cynthia Rose and Stacie and Ashley sitting by one of the tables, leaning towards each other, laughing and chatting, like they were sharing secrets of some kind.

Her friends try to chat her up, but she is a distracted by the fact that only a few meters away is her ex-husband acting all oblivious, like he hasn't sent her the divorce papers and has just asked her, through his lawyer, when she was going to sign them.

As he laughs at something his friend Tommy is telling him, Beca can't take it anymore, and she mumbles to a nearby friend trying to talk to her, "I'm sorry, I need to go…" and without further explanation she grabs a beer, stands up and heads out into the hall and out into the bright late afternoon sun. She finds herself out on the balcony, where a large infinity pool is currently reflecting the sunset on the water. The swimming pool is currently unoccupied, and strangely peaceful and calming, so Beca moves to one of the lounge chairs nearer the edge of the pool, away from the doors and she stares out, into the LA skyline, watching the rest of humanity down below rush to and from work like little ants.

Beca watches the late afternoon sky. The sky is clear, the sun wild, blood red and orange in the horizon. A breeze blows against her and she wishes she'd brought a coat or something to protect herself from the cold wind.

The bottle of beer sits beside her, unopened and forgotten as she stares at the horizon, sun and sky blurring as her mind wanders off to nothing in particular.

Even though the huge glass doors are closed, she can still hear the vague sounds of the party, which, judging from the singing and shouting and laughter and tinkling of glasses is now in full swing with friends, family, co-workers and acquaintances celebrating the occasion with wine and song. She can swear that the Barden contingent is probably having a grand time with the singing and the dancing and the inevitable riff-off that they would stage, especially since Justin and Tommy are in attendance.

She suddenly just wants to leave now. She suddenly feels like she isn't really in a partying mood. She suddenly has the urge to be as far away from the party as possible, to be as far away from the noise, the revelry, the happiness, the laughter, just the general desperate cheerfulness of it all. Most of all, she just wants to be as far away from Jesse as possible.

But then of course, right on cue, Jesse, still looking fresh and suave in his tux, suddenly appears out of nowhere, sees her and calls out, "Hey, Beca. There you are! We've been looking all over for you. Jessica's looking for you. They're about to cut the cake."

There's something about Jesse pretending like everything's alright that really annoys Beca right then as he approaches her and for a second she contemplates punching him again, just to wipe the grin from his face, but decides against it, since she'd already put all that "punch people in public" thing behind her.

Jesse is unaware though of what's going on with her as he approaches, smiling like for all intents and purposes everything is fine between them.

He stops just a few yards from her before he hesitates and says, a bit uncertainly this time, "Come on, you're missing the party, Beca. Stacie's drunk and has started to touch herself again and Ashley's trying to make her stop, Fat Amy is standing on one of tables, beating her chest while singing 'Edge of Glory' in a very, very loud voice and…"

She screws up her eyes now, looks up at him, growing irritated by the second as Jesse continues to ramble on about the Barden Bellas.

"What are you doing?" she finally interrupts him, exasperated.

Jesse stops talking long enough to look at her and asks, "What do you mean what am I doing?"

"That thing you're doing where you're pretending like everything's normal, when they're not, Jesse," Beca says. "They're really not."

"Beca…" Jesse implores her now. "Can we just… _not_ do this right now?"

Beca stops cold. "Yeah, whatever, Jesse. What- _fucking_ -ever."

There is an awkward silence as Jesse nervously runs a hand on his wavy hair. For a second, he does not know what to say.

"Beca, I know I've hurt you and nothing I'll ever do will be enough, but…I hope we can move past this some day," Jesse begins to say now, "Maybe become friends or something."

Beca looks at him coldly. "What, is that something you learned from one of your movies, Jesse? When the couple doesn't get their happily ever after, they get to be friends anyway?"

Jesse advances towards her now, cautious, hesitant. "Beca, _please_ , let's not do this," he says, voice low and calm, weary, pleading.

"Don't _do_ this?" Beca says. "Don't do what, exactly, Jesse?"

"Beca, seriously, I don't want to do this. This isn't the right time," Jesse says, his eyes imploring her.

"Fine," Beca says. "When's the right time then?"

Jesse is silent.

"When _is_ the right time?" Beca repeats now, voice low and even and slightly menacing. "Because I have a lot of words to say about those divorce papers you sent me by mail a few days after you ask for a separation. I have a lot of words to say about the fact that _clearly_ you'd been thinking about it for a long time. I have a lot to say about you _cheating_ on me while we were together… I have a lot to say about…"

"Beca, _stop_."

Then a voice from behind, timid and uncertain, asks, "Is…everything okay here?"

Beca and Jesse both turn and it's Fat Amy, standing there, in the hallway, looking unsure as Jesse and Beca look at each other. There is a silence that passes between them before Jesse speaks up.

"We're fine," Jesse answers now.

"Yeah, I think we're done here," Beca says now.

Jesse nods in agreement, all too eagerly. "Yeah, we're done here. Sorry."

Fat Amy nods towards Jesse. Both Chloe and Beca are silent as Jesse marches off into the direction of the hall.

For a few minutes, they stand there, not knowing what to say, before Fat Amy asks, "Are you okay? …"

Beca snaps out of her thoughts and says, "I'm fine. It's okay. What's up?"

As Fat Amy begins to excitedly tell her that they're about to cut the cake, and that there will be other parts to the ceremony that she apparently needs to be present for, Beca realizes she needs to get out of there. If only to keep her dignity and respect intact.

So she nods and follows her inside the hall, sitting in one of the chairs, determined not to have fun as Tommy, the best man, start to make his toast to the bride and groom, recounting his friendship with Justin, Justin and Jessica's friendship and love story, anecdotes about the friendly rivalry between the Barden Bellas and the Treblemakers and how aca-awesome it is that Justin and Jessica are aca-destined to be together and will have aca-children and have an aca-awesome life. Beca doesn't even have the energy to roll her eyes at Tommy's speech.

She doesn't want her eyes to stray to where Jesse is seated at a table near the bride and groom's table, but she does, and again, annoyance and anger burn within her as she sees Jesse chuckling at something Tommy has just said.

Hours later, in which friends from college attempt to give her an update on their lives- Fat Amy (a record deal, an EP, a possible world tour, lots of guys for the having and taking), Cynthia Rose, who is making a comfortable, modest living as a songwriter, has an off-again, on-again relationship with college girlfriend Denise, another former Barden Bella, Lilly, who is still as soft-spoken and as quiet dark, almond-shaped eyes still dancing with mischief, secretly passing around weed for everyone to smoke, Beca, sufficiently stoned and drunk as everyone else, realizes, in the middle of Lilly and everyone else drunkenly singing and giggling to "Gangnam Style" that she wants to leave.

Beca feels someone sit beside her then. She finds herself annoyed then, realizing that she is wearing an ill-fitting dress that, in her drunken, flushed state, isn't really the most comfortable, and so she turns, fully intending to give whoever has pushed her nearer to the others, a good talking to. But then as she does so, there's a familiar scent, fragrant and distinctive, the smell of springtime and light rain, and when she turns, she sees a light blue dress, creamy, smooth thighs, toned arms beneath see-through lacelike sleeves and as her eyes trail up to the neck, to the star-shaped diamond earrings, and to the flow of red tresses now catching the light of the fluorescent lights, she finds herself staring at the bluest eyes she has ever seen, eyes that she's always thought were eyes as blue as the sky, eyes she's always thought were the bluest in the world, eyes that showed oceans and stars and much, much beauty and as she looks, she finds herself staring, open-mouthed, before Chloe Beale, said owner of the pair of beautiful baby blue eyes, gorgeous and stunning as always, as Chloe smiles down at her and says, in the same sweet voice that Beca has always known, "Hey, Beca. Sorry I'm late. What did I miss?"


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

A silence descends on both Beca and Chloe. Neither one knows how to break the silence.

All around them, people are breaking into song, into riff-offs, with screams and shouts and jeers.

Chloe breaks her train of thought by saying, "So…Cynthia Rose and Denise, huh?"

Beca comes back to the present and nods. "Yeah, who would've thunk it?" She takes a sip of her wine. She sees that Chloe's wineglass is in need of a refill. She spots a bottle of wine on the next table and offers to refill it.

Chloe smiles her thanks as Beca pours more wine in her glass. As Chloe takes a sip, she comments, "Yeah. I'd never in a million years think those two would finally decide to get hitched."

Beca smiles back. "Yeah, _finally_."

They both fall silent again.

Then Chloe speaks up again.

"I'm seeing some mild substance abuse around here," Chloe comments.

Beca smiles sheepishly. " _Not_ our best moment, must say."

Chloe laughs. "It's fine. In some cultures, some substances are believed to have some properties to…you know, free your mind and achieve…oneness with the universe. Not to mention, you know, the medicinal properties and stuff."

Beca smirks and smiles. "And where exactly did you learn that?"

Chloe shrugs. "Just…around…"

Beca raises her eyebrows. "And where exactly is… _around_?"

Chloe smiles enigmatically, her blue eyes dancing with mirth and mischief. "Do you wanna get out of here?"

Beca grins back and nods. "God, yes."

* * *

So they slip out, find a coffee shop, settle down and Chloe starts to talk.

So, in between sips of coffee, Chloe tells her where's she's been.

Kenya. India. Nepal. China. The Czech Republic. France. England. Italy.

She shows Beca pictures of herself on her iPhone, pictures of _matatus_ in Kenya, giraffes in Nairobi, buffalos and rhinos in national parks, a photo of herself in front of Mt. Kilimanjaro, photos of herself with _Massai_ warriors (she says she is very popular with the warriors, they call her the little red-haired white warrior), a photo of herself with a _Kikuyu_ woman, photos of herself with traditional Kenyan clothes, photos of herself with Kenyan children, a photo of herself teaching in a Kenyan classroom, photos of herself with other Peace Corps volunteers, most of them younger than her, a few her age, and a couple gray-haired and bespectacled, all smiling and squinting at the camera and waving, a Peace Corps sign behind them. Another folder in her tablet shows photos of herself in front of the _Taj Mahal_ , its walkways, the reflecting pools, photos of the dome, minarets, the calligraphy on the pavement. Chloe says it's a monument to grief, but she finds it a romantic monument to grief. There is a photo of herself in front of temples, a photo of herself on an elephant, a photo of herself with henna tattoos on her hands, photos of herself in royal blue and sky blue _saris_ , the blue bringing out the blue of her eyes, in contrast with the red of her hair, a ball of flame against her _sari_ , a photo of herself celebrating Diwali with local friends she's made. Beca finds her photos, especially of her in a sari, in costume, incredibly beautiful, but she doesn't say so. She feels embarrassed by this errant thought, but she's always found Chloe impossibly, effortlessly gorgeous. She feels the urge to keep a few of those photos for herself, and vows to check her facebook when she has the chance - hoping that Chloe had posted those photos online. When they get to the end of the folder, Beca asks her why her photos of India are few, and Chloe says she and her friend had to abandon other travel plans of travelling around India after a travel advisory from the American Embassy had advised them against doing so. There are photos of herself in Nepal as well, in Kathmandu, and photos of the Himalayas. Chloe says she would have loved to climb Mt. Everest, but they would have needed at least a hundred thousand dollars to climb the mountain, and that didn't seem worth it. Still another folder shows photos of herself in China, photos of herself in front of the Great Wall of China, the ancient architecture set against the backdrop of a blue, blue sky, Chloe a smiling figure in the picture. There are pictures of herself in the Forbidden City, pictures of herself in Shanghai, and Beijing, pictures of herself on the streets, in front of stalls selling street food, various landscape photos of sun and mountain and blue sky. In each photo, Chloe is smiling, blue eyes dancing with trademark joy and enthusiasm, and Beca can't help but smile herself. The photos change, become more somber. She sees photos of Chloe in Europe, in what she can guess are autumn and winter, because Chloe is in heavy coats and scarves and mittens, struggling to smile in the cold, in front of unfamiliar buildings, cobbled streets in Prague, but then she recognizes more familiar landmarks when they come to Paris and London. Beca recognizes the Eiffel Tower, the Louvre, the Notre Dame Cathedral, the Arc de Triomphe. She recognizes Buckingham Palace, Tower Hill, Tower Bridge, London Bridge, Leicester Square, Trafalgar Square, London Eye. She recognizes the Coliseum, a picture of herself against the backdrop of the Leaning Tower of Pisa, although when she comes across an empty, bright, sunny field of gold and green, Chloe has to explain that it is Tuscany, that she's always wanted to go there, and hadn't particularly cared for Milan at all.

Once Chloe is done showing her pictures, Beca blinks, looks up at Chloe, in awe, amazed, before she says now, her high dissipating, "Wow, just… _wow_ … you've been all over the world." She stares down again, looks at the photos, saying dejectedly, "While I've just been here…"

Chloe smiles and says, "Well, _not_ all over the world. I just spent like a year or so with the Peace Corps in Kenya, worked there for a while, saved some money, spent a few months in Nepal, and did some travelling after. The other places were just places I wanted to see before I go home Stateside." Then she adds, "Just because you've just been here doesn't mean you haven't had a journey too."

Beca looks up and only smiles. "Thanks." She looks at the photos again and says, "This must have cost a fortune."

Chloe shrugs. "Not really. Well, a bit. After I volunteered in Africa, I found a job there so I was able to save a bit of money, then after my contract was done, I just travelled a bit more."

Beca nods. "God, I'm so jealous."

Chloe shrugs, runs a hand on her red hair. "It wasn't all that romantic or anything. I kind of shamelessly crashed with other Peace Corps volunteers, and other people I knew. Sometimes I kind of went for days without food, because I had to save money, you know?"

"And how's work now?"

Chloe gives her another shrug. "Dunno, really. I've been back Stateside for a while now, but…sometimes it's still hard. I can't really quite wrap my head around the kind of excess living people do here, after all the stuff I've seen…"

"What do you do again?"

"H.R.," Chloe answers now. "You know I majored in management, same as Aubrey. I work for this company as an HR consultant and risk analysis and efficiency expert and stuff. I travel around the country providing HR consultancy services and I do motivational speaking on the side. It's all very boring, really." Chloe smiles.

Beca smiles back. Chloe working in Human Resource makes sense, of course. Chloe's niceness and diplomatic skills come in handy for human resource management. Aubrey working in management makes even more sense, since Aubrey always needs to be in control, all the time. She doesn't understand why, but seeing Chloe smile makes her a bit shy all of a sudden and she looks down on the table. Then she looks up again. "It's good though? You like it?" Beca asks.

Chloe shrugs. "Yeah. I'm never in one place at any time. I live in hotel rooms and airports really. I live for my frequent flyer miles. I don't even really have, like, my own apartment and stuff. When I'm in New York, I just crash at Aubrey's, when I'm somewhere else, I crash at their place, or check in at a local hotel, whatever. But I don't know. I'm looking to see if I can get a place somewhere permanent now. I'm checking out the scene here. See if it's my scene. Don't know if I'm going to like it here. This place feels surreal…but we'll see..." Chloe now looks at Beca intently, blue gaze bore into Beca's eyes. It's the one thing that makes Beca a bit uncomfortable when she's around Chloe. When Chloe looks at her, it feels sometimes like Chloe is looking right into her soul, making it impossible for Beca to concoct lies about anything. Chloe says, "But enough about me. How's work?"

Beca sighs, refuses to look at Chloe as she looks down at her hands, fidgeting with them. After Chloe has shown her pictures of her life, Beca feels like her life is insignificant by comparison. "Oh, you know, it's great. Great hours, great pay, the people are great to work with…"

Beca looks up now and she sees Chloe looking at her and for a few second their eyes meet, Chloe's blue gaze piercing Beca's brown ones and Beca blushes. Chloe suddenly says, "Oh my god, you hate your job."

Beca tries to deny it, sighs, and in resignation, says, "Yes, god, I hate it! I really fucking hate it. I mean, god, it's just tones, you know. _Tones_. And chord progressions. And shit like that. None of it is mine. It's all derivative. I get it from other artists, re-arrange it, and pass it off as my own."

Chloe smiles, is surprisingly conciliatory and gentle as she says, "But you have the best mixes. You make stuff better. You made the Bellas, _us_ , better. And you have, like, the nicest voice of anyone I've known. I can still remember the mixes you did for the Bellas…"

Beca sighs again, pauses, before she says, "Yeah…Thanks. But you don't need to say that. But…yeah…" She takes a deep breath now. "It's just…I think I've hit a brick wall or something. Everything's beginning to sound the same. It sounds exactly like the billion and one songs I hear on the radio. Like the riff in one song that's the same riff in a hundred other songs and each one is about the same thing too. I feel like it's all crap somehow. Like the music lacks heart and soul or something. Like it's all pointless…" Chloe is silent and she's afraid Chloe is a bit put off by her rant, but she looks up and Chloe is just listening to her, no judgment in her eyes or expression.

Suddenly, her phone buzzes and she checks it and it's four in the morning, and she says, "Oh, god, it's morning."

Chloe starts to yawn now. "Is it? I hadn't noticed."

Beca smiles. "Well, we talked all night."

Chloe nods. "We had a lot to catch up on." She glances at her watch. "I guess I've got to go."

Beca only smiles and shakes her head. "Stay. I've got a huge house with a guest bedroom. Clean sheets. The works. You can totally catch a few zzz's before you head out if you want."

Chloe smiles. "Yeah? You sure? Don't want to intrude on you any longer than I should." When Beca only smiles and nods, Chloe's grin grows wider. "Aca-awesome! I'm so sleepy I don't think I can keep my eyes open now even if I tried. Thanks, Beca."

"Ugh, I haven't heard aca-anything in a while," Beca says sarcastically, yawning. "You are such a nerd."

Chloe laughs and Beca grins.

* * *

Somehow, when they get home, they find themselves in Beca's bedroom.

A brief argument had ensued about whether Chloe should take the couch or not, but Beca finds herself agreeing to Chloe, something that always happens between them, even when they were both in college.

And that is how Beca ends up sleeping on the same bed as Chloe. There is a brief awkward moment while Chloe is getting ready for bed when Beca had gone to get some extra sheets and pillows from down the hallway and when she comes back, she sees a naked Chloe, stripping to her underwear, and is putting on the shirt and pants Beca has lent her, clothes which are a size or so smaller. There is a brief moment when Beca hesitates by the doorway, not knowing whether she should turn around and give Chloe some time to change, or she should just play it cool and pretend like nothing's happened. But Chloe turns at about the same time Beca enters and Chloe only grins, the familiar twinkle in her eye and smile on her lips easing Beca's discomfort.

"Hey, perv," Chloe says now, putting on the pants.

Beca hesitates before she says, "I see you're still comfortable with all… _that_."

Chloe only grins as she puts on the shirt and slides into the bed, patting the empty space beside her and grinning even more at Beca. Beca can feel herself blushing unnecessarily in the half-darkness.

They haven't actually shared a bed since Barden, when Chloe had spent a semester of graduate school studying for her MBA before she decides to drop out and move to New York, moving in with Aubrey before she decides to go volunteer with the Peace Corps.

At first, Beca feels awkward sleeping beside Chloe. They haven't seen each other since Chloe's senior year and graduate school days, and though they've just spent most of the early morning catching up with each other, she's worried that there will still be some residual awkwardness. But it does feel like old times, and they start to joke and banter like they used to do at Barden. And Chloe - well, Chloe is still confident and comfortable with herself. Actually even more so than she did in college. Chloe lies on Beca's right, which has always been Chloe's favored side, facing Beca. Chloe is so close that she can smell Chloe's scent, can smell toothpaste, mouthwash and wine, and something sweet, something fruity, the faint sweet scent of shampoo and soap on her, as she sidles to Beca. Chloe has never been one for personal boundaries, and as she lies beside Beca, who is lying on her back, staring at her ceiling, watching shadows on it, Chloe is silent, breathing light. Beca thinks Chloe may have fallen asleep, and she turns, and collides with Chloe, who is just looking at her, their foreheads bumping into each other, and Chloe says, "Ow!" before she giggles and puts a hand on her forehead. Beca murmurs "I'm sorry", as her own hand goes to Chloe's forehead, finds her hand resting on Chloe's own hand. Beca is only a little tipsy, and even that is wearing off, and it takes her only a moment to realize she's touching Chloe, and there's a second when it still feels innocuous, but she finds her touch lingering and Chloe looks at her, piercing blue eyes in the early dawn semi-darkness, and Beca finds herself mesmerized, finds her thumb slowly rubbing the back of Chloe's hand and there is a warmth that spreads at the pit of her stomach, a warmth she hasn't felt in a while, perhaps not even with Jesse, and she grows afraid, knowing it's too soon, knowing already, even before feelings get in the way, that she cannot really afford to entertain any of this as more than what it is - two friends who haven't seen each other in ages, who have missed each other, who are just catching up with each other. She slowly pulls her hand away.

Chloe doesn't speak. Neither does she. A silence, awkward, full of meaning, stretches between them.

Suddenly in the silence, Chloe starts to sing,

" _Oh, her eyes, her eyes make the stars look like they're not shinin'  
Her hair, her hair falls perfectly without her tryin'  
She's so beautiful  
And I tell her everyday…"_

As Beca begins to roll her eyes, Chloe only grins some more as she says,

" _Yeah, I know, I know when I compliment her, she won't believe me  
And it's so, it's so sad to think that she don't see what I see  
But every time she asks me do I look okay? I say…"_

Then Chloe stops and says, "I forgot the rest of the song…What's the chorus again…?"

"Ugh, you're the weirdo," Beca jokes now, as she starts to sing,

" _When I see your face  
There's not a thing that I would change  
'Cause you're amazing  
Just the way you are…"_

Then Chloe joins her and they both start to sing,

" _And when you smile  
The whole world stops and stares for awhile  
'Cause girl, you're amazing  
Just the way you are…"_

They both stop singing and just lie in silence for a while, the melody fading into the half-darkness of early dawn, echoing memories of those long gone days at Barden when they used to sing the same song with the other Barden Bellas. Beca smiles at the thought. She thinks she sees Chloe smile as well.

Then Chloe says, so softly that at first Beca thinks she dreamed it, "Are you okay? How are you holding up?"

Beca is silent. Chloe puts out her hand, and surprises Beca by tucking a stray strand of hair on the back of Beca's ear, before running a finger on Beca's cheek. Because it is so unexpected, Beca finds her breath hitching, like something, she doesn't know what, has plunged down her stomach, finds that she cannot breathe, feels like time slows down and speeds up again and her heart starts to beat fast. Chloe hears the barely audible sound, hesitates, but she's still tipsy and so she continues to gently stroke Beca's cheek.

"I'm so sorry," Chloe whispers now.

Beca swallows. "For what?"

"For everything," Chloe says now, moving her head so close to Beca. "For what's happened between you and Jesse. I don't think anything I say will make you feel better but…"

Beca feels it, a bit of irritation, because in truth, she doesn't really want people to be sorry for her, she doesn't want their pity, she doesn't want the looks on their faces, and she wants to brush Chloe's finger away from her face, but Chloe's whole hand is on Beca's face now, cups her face in her hand, and the hand goes to Beca's neck, rubbing her neck in slow, gentle strokes, soothing, calming Beca, making the irritation fade, replacing it with a warmth that she hasn't felt in a while.

"Chloe…" Beca whispers, wanting Chloe to stop.

Chloe doesn't take the hint though, moving closer to Beca, instead, body so close Beca can feel the warmth of Chloe's body, can feel her breath against her cheek.

"You never called or emailed," Chloe whispers now, more like an accusation, an ignored friend pouting, sulking, disappointed the person she considers one of her best friends would not even keep in touch with her.

Beca doesn't know what to say. She settles for, "You never called or emailed either…"

Chloe is silent. When she doesn't offer any explanation, Beca says, "And I was kind of…busy…"

"I was kind of busy, too," Chloe responds now, in a tone that suggests she is ready to argue this point if Beca insisted.

But Beca doesn't, so instead, Chloe says, "You miss him?"

Beca doesn't know how to answer that. She and Jesse had more than a decade together. Years of a steady relationship, a long engagement, a wedding and a marriage that had barely settled before the divorce that she never saw coming had loomed in the horizon. So, yes, this isn't even a question. She misses Jesse. She really does. Whether she misses his companionship or presence or just the normality of having someone around all the time, is another thing altogether. She stops, wondering why she would even think to qualify why she misses him in the first place. She nods, barely, at Chloe. She barely hears it, but Chloe whispers a softer, "I'm sorry" to Beca. She doesn't have to explain what she is sorry about. Beca fights back her tears. A silence ensues. Beca doesn't know what to say, but she manages to nod and mumble something unintelligible through the thick lump in her throat.

She doesn't know if Chloe sees her assent and she's too tired and too tipsy and too sleepy to say anything out loud, but Chloe comes even nearer, then says, "Hey, you're cold. C'mere." And before Beca could protest, Chloe has draped an arm over Beca's waist, and has pulled Beca impossibly closer to herself, Beca's body molding itself so perfectly to Chloe's. There's a moment where Beca's body tenses up, and she feels awkward, not knowing where to put her hands as Chloe rests her chin on Beca's head. And Beca just lies there, not knowing what to do, before her body relaxes and Beca adjusts herself so she is resting somewhere in the crook of Chloe's neck, and chest, so close that she can actually hear Chloe's heart beat beneath her chest. She can feel Chloe's warm hand against her back. They grow still for a few moments, quiet but for their breathing and the sounds of early morning outside, and then Chloe starts to rub Beca's back, starts to trace circles and figure eights on her back, from the top of her spine, down to the small of her back, then across from one side of her waist to the other, before her hand rests again on Beca's back and she hugs Beca so closely, so tenderly Beca feels like Chloe is afraid she might lose her. Beca is silent, her heart beating fast and wild and she doesn't know how to respond, but for some whatever reason, she feels her own body relax, feels peaceful, feels this feeling of bliss that she hasn't felt in a while, realizes she's never had anyone touch her like that before, the touch so intimate she feels its intensity deep within her soul, tender and sweet and all so very Chloe she swallows, not knowing what to say and she feels like she must say something, to break the awkwardness, but then she feels Chloe's body grow heavy, slack, her breathing grow even, her grip on Beca loosen and Beca realizes Chloe has fallen asleep.

The tenderness of Chloe's touch. It is the one thing that Beca has not forgotten.

It takes her back to another time, back in college, when she and Chloe had moved in together her second semester in college, because Beca had had enough of roommates and Kimmy Jin and Chloe had wanted to stay on for graduate school, planning to work on her MBA. That arrangement though was only to last one semester, before Chloe decides to leave Barden and her roommate for the Peace Corps and Africa. Everyone is surprised. Neither Beca nor Chloe take the time to explain why Chloe suddenly leaves.

* * *

It was another drunken night, a weekend, Beca remembers, that starts out like any other ordinary weekend and Beca had found herself taking a very drunk Chloe home.

And then, as now, Beca and Chloe had found themselves inexplicably sharing a bed, even though Chloe had her own bed, and Beca had her own, and there is enough space anywhere else in the apartment that they need not share a bed.

And she hadn't known how it started, it starts innocently enough, with giggles and teasing and jokes that gradually turn into something more serious, Beca starting to drunkenly think about her future outside of Barden, her fears about L.A., her difficulties with her father, her struggles at Barden, and Chloe starts to do the same, telling her honestly and unequivocally how she'd actually gone to graduate school as an excuse to stay in school longer, delay real life a bit longer, delay leaving her comfort zone a bit longer, how she's actually afraid to set foot outside the gates of Barden, afraid companies might think she's either overqualified or underqualified or just not good enough to work for them, afraid she might fail, and gradually they trade advice, suggestions, until the fears and doubts are soothed, and the uncertainty gradually fades away, to be brought up at a later date, as talks between Chloe and Beca inevitably do, one of those things that Beca has missed now, because above everything else, Chloe has turned out to be one of her closest friends and the one thing she has come to look forward to was going home to their apartment to talk about all the mundane things that's happened to her during the day. She couldn't wait, in fact, to tell Chloe how her day went. That night, as the conversation dies down between them, they grow silent, just staring at each other, in the half-darkness, in the dim light of street lights outside and dim table lamp by the side table that Beca keeps turned on at night so she can go to sleep. And Chloe, never one to put stock on personal boundaries and public displays of affection, suddenly holds Beca's face, then with the other hand, grabs Beca's hand and she looks, really looks, at Beca, with eyes so deep, so bright, so blue, that it felt, for a moment, like Beca is staring up at a bright, blue sky and she wants to turn away, but Chloe's gaze is piercing and powerful and spoke so many words, even though by that time they weren't speaking at all, but just lay, face to face, side by side, not saying anything. It felt then as it feels now, like Chloe could see right through her, through all the snarkiness and cynicism and darkness and can see the goodness there, and it feels like Chloe is gazing right through her soul, and Beca tries to speak, but Chloe shakes her head, puts a finger to Beca's lips to silence her, and she says, "Beca…" and her voice trails off, as she only looks at Beca for what seems like ages and Beca feels so naked, so exposed and Beca has never thought that it is possible to communicate without saying anything, without words or rhythm or song, but she realizes, that night, as she stares into Chloe's eyes, that everything that needed to be said, everything that ever had to be said, between them, flowed freely, flowed unstoppably, even though all they ever did was look at each other for what seems like hours that stretch on for what seems like forever. They both seemed like they were in a spell, in a trance, suspended in time, and Beca feels it flaring, something different, something powerful, something she feels she isn't actually ready for and there is Jesse and her father and her future before her and she gently extricates her hand from Chloe's and pulls away, and she mutters something about needing water, and she gets off the bed, and drinks some water and never comes back, sleeps on the couch.

They do not speak of it the next day. Or any day after that. And it is never quite the same after.

Before the semester ends, Chloe is out of the apartment, with no proper goodbyes or talk to Beca, her half of the rent tucked on the fridge, as she texts Beca that she is on a train to New York, and will not be coming back. Later she finds out Chloe has dropped out of graduate school, has stayed with Aubrey and that later, she's signed on with Peace Corps, and that she stays on in Africa long after her contract with Peace Corps ends.

* * *

Beca stares up into the darkness, thinking, extremely aware of Chloe's nearness.

All she can think of is what Jesse has said, about their marriage not being perfect. Of all the things that she realizes from having been with Jesse this long, it's the fact that everything has just seemed like an illusion right up to now. To everyone else, their marriage seemed perfect, but to Jesse, apparently, it wasn't. Seen in the broad, clear light of day, their marriage seems like a joke now, if Jesse's words are anything to go by. Something from Kierkegaard (her father was a snobby literature and philosophy professor at Barden University, one of the foremost Proust and Kierkegaard scholars in the country, and she had spent her youth surrounded with academic conversations) comes to her now, something about repetition. As she stares at her wine now, thinking of her conversation with Jesse, it comes back to her, about how Kierkegaard has said that it's all repetition. She remembers Kierkegaard because her father had quoted Kierkegaard during one of those very loud, very excruciating arguments between her father and mother right before the divorce. Her mother had asked for the divorce, said she just couldn't stand living with her father any more, and her father, ever the pompous ass, had lectured her mother on Kierkegaard, in a last ditch attempt to make her stay, which, obviously made her mother want to leave him even faster. Her father had this long speech about how yes, a marriage as long as theirs might be mired in repetition, like Kierkegaard has said, and repetition, by its very nature is intrinsically boring, something to be avoided, and he is aware that their marriage and relationship has become repetitive and boring, but that didn't mean the solution was a divorce. Dr. Mitchell tells his wife that repetition, as Kierkegaard has said, should be something treated as valuable and essential, that the repetition in their marriage should be treasured and enjoyed, because not many people have what they have. Her mother, a senior nurse at Barden General, had grown tired of this very same self-importance and pretention Dr. Mitchell exuded, had refused to listen to anything, even when her father had pleaded with her not to go through with the divorce, for Beca's sake. No one had asked then what Beca had thought of the whole debacle.

Maybe this is what Jesse had meant - repetition. She hadn't seen it of course. She was quite comfortable with the set-up, had found it very convenient, in fact. She liked the repetition, _welcomed_ the repetition, the domesticity of it all. In fact, wasn't that what marriage was all about in the first place anyway? Mindless repetition? The longer the relationship, the more repetition. The longer the relationship, the deeper you know each other, from your thoughts, to your habits, to your preferences: who sleeps on which side of the bed, who wakes up first, who likes what drink, who likes what food…you speak less and less, become attuned to each other, read each other's minds, complete each other's sentences. Synchronicity. Like an orchestra playing a symphony that you've known the melody to for the longest time. It's not that that they have nothing to say to each other, but that nothing needs to be said any longer. Marriage meant they just didn't need to carry it out, they just needed to _be_.

And then suddenly she remembers how, when she had been roommates with Chloe, it felt a bit like a passage from Kierkegaard's book, too. How the longer they stayed in one apartment, the deeper the friendship had been and the deeper they got to know each other, from their thoughts, to habits, to preferences: after all this time, for example, she remembers, _knows_ , which side Chloe prefers to sleep in, knows Chloe wakes up first, knows Chloe likes to drink coffee, knows Chloe likes fast food, junk food, but that no matter how much she consumed, she still had that killer body that she still feels confident with. What she remembers is how they didn't _not_ speak less and less, but in fact, whenever they got home from their respective classes, they would gravitate towards each other and to the kitchen and start talking about how their days went, something that she didn't do with Jesse actually. There was real synchronicity there. Up to that drunken night they had, Beca had thought that she could read Chloe like a book, but something about that night had changed something between them, had changed the tone of their friendship, like a song that had shifted too quickly to a different chord progression, or a different tune, and it felt discordant somehow. And yet, without anything being said between them, she had known then a truth in Chloe's eyes that she knew they wouldn't ever talk about. It had been something that needn't be said, really. At that time, they had both seemed to tacitly agree that there were things better left unsaid.

Before she drops off to sleep, Chloe pulls her even tighter to herself, and she can feel Chloe's fingers mindlessly rubbing her back before it stops and Chloe continues to sleep.

Beca falls asleep to Chloe holding her in her arms.

Beca thinks it's not a bad way to end, or even start, the day.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Beca wakes up to the insistent buzzing of something on the table by the bed.

The room is dark, the curtains thick and dark, letting only thread-thin shafts of light from outside. She'd invested in thick curtains when she started DJ-ing because she always kept unusual hours. Outside she can hear the familiar, muffled sounds of city life, cars, horns, tires screeching, sirens, voices, laughter and other noises.

Beside her, sleeping soundly, is Chloe. For a moment it feels weird to be sharing this bed and this room now with Chloe, when for years it has been shared with Jesse, but as Chloe moves slightly in her sleep, she quickly forgets all that.

Beca is lying on her left side, Chloe's right arm slung on her waist, holding her as she sleeps snugly behind her, cuddling her. She can feel Chloe's breath on her neck, can feel the warmth of her body pressed against Beca's. In their sleep they have curled into each other. At first, Beca doesn't know what to do, afraid to wake Chloe up by moving away from her, and she quite likes the feel of Chloe holding her close. It is quite comfortable, warm, _secure_ even. Beca actually feels well-rested. She had slept like a baby last night, or this morning, as it were, and she hadn't slept like that in ages.

Beca has never been one for cuddling, one of the things that Jesse finds really peculiar about her, but Chloe, being Chloe, with naturally touchy feely tendencies with everyone, has always been an exception. Sometimes, when they find themselves crashing at a friend's house after a party, during their college days, or when they find the Barden weather too cold, they sleep in one bed, and Chloe has a habit of curling into her when they sleep beside each other. At first Beca had found it odd, but she had grown used to it, and sometimes, when Beca and Jesse had had a fight, or when Beca had had one of those arguments with her father, or classes were just too stressful and aggravating, Chloe was always there, with her smile and her comfort food, offering words of consolation and encouragement and hugs. Feeling her now, behind her makes Beca remember those Barden days.

She gently moves to extricate herself, so as not to wake Chloe up, and Chloe shifts, her hand moving to Beca's waist as Beca's hand moves to get her mobile phone. As she slowly rolls on her back, checking her phone, she finds that it is her father, texting her to remind her of her dinner date with him. She checks the time. It is still morning. She's only had a couple of hours of sleep. _Oh, shit,_ she thinks. Dinner with her father. She makes a face. She actually prefers to be beaten to death with a baseball bat than go to dinner with her father.

She'd been avoiding texting, emailing or calling him, but ignoring him had just made the endless texts, emails and voice mails to grow exponentially the past few weeks, so she had finally agreed to dinner with him. She checks the date and she realizes that that dinner date is tonight, at some swanky restaurant somewhere downtown. Her father is in town for some academic conference or other, she is a little vague on the details and chances are it's yet another of those conferences where all the snobby professors from other prestigious universities gather to deliver esoteric papers published in obscure journals only other professors read, papers that talk grandiosely and very verbosely about philosophy and its place in the modern world, or some such thing. She had forgotten all about it. But she couldn't very well ignore her father forever, even though she's pretty sure her father only wants to meet her to talk about hers and Jesse's marriage.

Beca doesn't really want to talk to her father. The talk will inevitably lead to the divorce and she doesn't want to talk about _that_. Divorce signifies failure. It means you couldn't make it work. It means you're a loser. You couldn't make somebody stay. Nobody wants to be reminded that they are a failure. Nobody wants to be reminded, particularly by their divorced parent, that they have ended up exactly like aforementioned divorced parent, especially when you have actually spent your whole life trying _not_ to turn out exactly like your parents.

She checks the other messages. One is from Jesse's agent, another from his manager, another from his publicist, and another from his lawyer. Most of the messages consist of wanting Beca to return calls or messages, nothing more, and Beca makes a note to reply to them later. She's tolerated Jesse's agent, manager, publicist and lawyer for the longest time, and she's quite glad she never has to deal with them anymore. Jesse is an up-and-coming actor and the trio of agent, manager and publicist are working very, very hard to keep him in the spotlight, help him snag the best roles. Already he's been generating buzz for his performance on an indie film and he has had solid reviews on his performance in the television show, although the show itself has gone downhill since season four, which Jesse has told her is usually the typical life cycle of a high school television show. However, the show has been renewed for a fifth and a sixth season, ensuring that Jesse will have a job for the next couple of years at least, and keeping his commission-based team of sharks employed for that time as well. Either way, Beca does not consider any of them friends, since they work for and with Jesse and live off of his earnings. Beca makes a mental note to sign the divorce papers, since that seems to be what Jesse's lawyer is concerned with. The good thing about Jesse's status now, is the fact that he's not really famous enough that paparazzi are following him around twenty-four seven and reporting on his every move, and he isn't under everyone's scrutiny, but he's generated enough positive buzz for his performance that he can attract the attention of critics, producers and directors and magazine editors looking for the next big thing, so they have been able to keep their relationship and marriage, and now, their divorce under wraps, away from the public eye, being spared the public spectacle of a marriage disintegrating very publicly, their heartbreak not being broadcast as both entertainment and some form of Schadenfreude-esque way of celebrating celebrities' rather ordinary lives outside of the camera. Though she hesitates to call herself a musician, musicians do not fall under the same category as actors and movie or TV stars, and are thus spared the kind of stress fame brings. Though she has her own agent and manager, she's determined to shy away from the limelight, and prefers to stay away from the endless socializing and partying that has become an occupational hazard in her line of work. It means, sometimes, that she misses out on some possibilities that a big name producer might "discover" her work and use it for their own projects, and though she's had some pretty steady gigs over the years, but she is fine with it. Lately, the equipment she has in the other room (the apartment she and Jesse had chosen had been a three bedroom apartment, in Jesse's mistaken idea that it would eventually be converted into a baby room) has remained untouched, except for the occasional mix she needs to do for work, but lately she finds that she just prefers to play the same thing over and over again. She has actually decided to cut down on the work, and since she's been going through a divorce with Jesse, clients have been especially understanding.

Her decision to shy away from the limelight also means that sometimes she doesn't attend premieres and award shows with Jesse, whose modest success in showbiz has made photographers, reporters and bloggers familiar with his work, take interest in taking photos of the actor with other actors as well, harried interview questions, some harmless, some invasive, being shouted into Jesse's ear. Beca has never particularly liked or gotten used to having to stand to one side or try to stay behind Jesse, as what seems like thousands of camera lights explode against them and Jesse is politely and diplomatically answering questions about his movie or television show, or about some gossip or other. She's never felt comfortable feeling like millions of eyes are scrutinizing everything about her, from her hairstyle, her make-up, her clothes, her shoes, whether she's gained weight or not, everything posted, discussed, rated, for everyone to see and comment on, online or in the papers or in the television gossip shows later on. Jesse's publicist and agent, who have a three-step battle plan to make Jesse an "A-Lister" in a few years, have tried to get her in on the game, of helping Jesse project the right "boy-next-door" image to the world, but she finds it all superfluous and ridiculous and while she's acquiesced to some of their demands - wearing the right clothes, or answering interview questions as carefully as possible, she just hasn't taken it as seriously as Jesse's team has.

Chloe stirs beside her now, her hand moving absently to Beca's stomach, thumb rubbing against the skin on her stomach. Beca debates gently removing Chloe's hand from her stomach, but decides she doesn't mind it there, it feels warm and comforting somehow. Beca turns her head, to gaze at the sleeping woman beside her. Chloe sleeps peacefully beside her, red hair framing her face as she sleeps. In the half-darkness of shadow and light, Chloe's skin seems to glow with an inner light and she looks peaceful in sleep as she does in waking. It comes to Beca now that whilst talking to her yesterday and again that morning, Chloe seems to be exuding peace, looking calm and collected, like she has gone and discovered the mysteries of the universe and is now beyond all the mundane preoccupations of mortals like Beca.

She hears Chloe whimper, mumbles in her sleep. She is dreaming, Beca thinks. She moves to put her arm around Chloe and draws her close. Chloe responds to her touch and her hand comes up to hold Beca's arm and the whimpering stops and they both continue to sleep without incident.

As Beca looks at Chloe now, she can barely make out a scar above Chloe's right brow. She slowly lifts a finger to brush strands of red hair away from Chloe's face to get a good look at the scar and realizes that it is new. It is sitting above the old one, faded and barely noticeable, a childhood scar Chloe got from some mischief or other she had done when she was young. When Chloe shifts now, lies on her back, and throws her left arm on her eyes, Beca sees another scar in the half-darkness, this one fine and long and starts a few inches from her elbow and ends at some point on her wrist. Beca is fairly certain she hasn't seen this scar before either, and thinks this is new as well.

* * *

When Beca wakes up she finds Chloe in the living room, back to her, sitting cross-legged on the floor, still, barely moving, hands on either knee, eyes closed.

Looking at Chloe in her living room, sitting on the floor, bathed with light streaming through the curtained front windows, makes Beca feel something she cannot put a name to. Maybe it's Chloe's stillness, maybe it's the perfect peace she radiates with every fiber of her being, maybe it's the way the light of the sun seems to make her skin glow, seems to make her even more beautiful, but Beca finds her breath catching, makes her feel breathless, and then there's this confusion that she feels, because it's a feeling that she hasn't felt in a while, this fascination, this nervous excitement, this promise of possibilities, like something is about to happen, like she's standing on the edge of a precipice, about to fall.

Chloe looks like she belongs in this living room. Like she belongs in Beca's bedroom. Like she belongs in this house. Beca is amazed at how easily Chloe can ease into surroundings, taking them, owning them, making them her own. It's part of Chloe's charisma that even this house, chosen by Jesse, and designed by someone chosen by Jesse, with its slightly art nouveau slash avant garde slash pop art look, with the framed pretentious Andy Warhol-esque designs on the white walls, the trendy leather couch, the equally trendy space-age, sci-fi furniture, the annoying lava lamp Jesse insisted they buy, the large windows with the billowing curtains, now looks a bit better with Chloe in it.

As she stands there, uncertain, indecisive, staring at Chloe, Beca bites her lower lip in bewilderment, suddenly confused, suddenly feeling a tendril of anxiety rise up within her.

Beca debates whether to disturb Chloe or not. Clearly she is doing some form of meditation of sorts and Beca doesn't want to disrupt her. _This is new_ , Beca thinks. Beca doesn't remember Chloe doing meditation when they were at Barden and were roommates. She's surprised now that Chloe does meditation.

The decision to disrupt Chloe's meditation is made for her though when Chloe's phone, buzzes beside her.

Chloe's eyes fly open and she gropes for her phone on the couch. She answers the phone with a "Hello?" and as she starts to stretch, she says, "Oh, hey, gran, what's up?"

As she listens to the person on the other line, she seems to have realized that she is being watched, because she turns around, looks at Beca and smiles as she mouths a "Good morning" to Beca.

Beca nods, smiles, feeling suddenly shy and awkward in front of Chloe. Chloe gets up as well in one fluid movement as she chats on her phone.

Beca smiles, listening to Chloe talk to someone she assumes to be Chloe's grandmother. As Chloe starts to give her grandmother instructions on how to connect the computer to the printer and to the internet, Beca indicates that she's just going to the kitchen, to get some coffee. Chloe nods and indicates that she will follow.

A few minutes later, Chloe comes out to the kitchen, where Beca is drinking some coffee. Beca remembers she has to reply to Jesse's army of Hollywood sharks, and she quickly and deftly replies to each one, telling them that she is busy but if it's urgent she can make time for whatever it is that they need to talk about with her.

Chloe briefly looks around before she turns back to texting and Beca can't help but feel conscious about how the kitchen looks as well, which is as minimalist as everything else is, clean and antiseptic looking, like it's a place barely lived in, like the residents barely live there. Jesse spends most of his time on shoots, and is usually ensconced in an apartment or hotel somewhere, and the television show he is doing now means he is away most of the time, and when the show is on hiatus he is off doing a summer movie or two and doing the promotional rounds of press junkets. Beca herself, prior to taking a break, is usually too tired to cook or do much of anything really, preferring take out or eating out to staying in and cooking.

Chloe now says, "Sorry about that, had to take the call, my gran can be a handful sometimes…"

"That's fine," Beca says. "Coffee?"

Chloe shakes her head. "Tea, please, if you have it."

Beca tilts her head, surprised yet again. Chloe has always been a coffee drinker. Tea was more Amy's thing, she knows. Since when has Chloe been a tea drinker? Luckily Beca has a box of Lipton tea. She wasn't a tea drinker herself, but finds it handy for the occasional, very random visitor who prefers it.

Before she can ask Chloe about her sudden interest in tea, Chloe's phone rings again and there is a moment when Chloe knits her brows, curious, before she answers the phone, her voice neutral as she says, "What's up?" She pauses as she listens to the person on the other line. "I'm in L.A…" She stops again, her face expressionless as she says, "I'm good, you?...Yeah, hanging out with some friends now. You…? That's nice…Listen, I'm kind of busy right now. Can I call you back? Yeah. Take care."

Beca patiently waits as she goes to the cupboard, takes out a cup, boils hot water, whilst trying not to overhear the conversation between Chloe and the caller on the other end of the line. She catches a name, Bradley, and it makes her a bit curious, but she doesn't let on, not wanting Chloe to think she's eavesdropping on her phone conversation. She tries to gauge Chloe's relationship to the caller, but Chloe's voice is neutral, polite, but familiar, so Beca can't decide whether this is just a friend, or a boyfriend, or an ex or a brother or something. And what, or _who_ is Summer, exactly? She is tempted to ask Chloe about this one as well, but finds she cannot. It occurs to Beca that she cannot remember whether Chloe has brothers or sisters or whether her parents are alive or not, or still together or not. Had Chloe mentioned it once and she'd heard it and forgotten it? Or had she never heard it at all in the first place? Chloe looks like the kind of person who had the picture perfect childhood, the picture perfect family. She's always exuded a well-rounded persona and Beca wouldn't be surprised if Chloe's family has some two-story, suburban house in the suburbs with a picket fence and a dog and a well-kept manicured lawn and backyard where the Beale family held annual barbecues during Fourth of July celebrations.

Chloe interrupts her thoughts when she turns the phone off and she smiles at Beca. "So sorry about that, too."

Beca shakes her head, says, "That's fine."

Chloe asks, "What are you doing today?"

Beca shrugs. "Nothing."

"Don't you have work?"

Beca only smiles and says, "Taking a break. What are _you_ doing today?"

Chloe only shakes her head as she checks her messages. "Nothing, really. Taking a break from work, too. I'm actually pretty serious about wanting to check L.A. out. Going back tomorrow-ish…" When she is done checking her messages she looks up and says, "Why?"

Beca shrugs before she says, "Do you want to go to dinner with me?" When Chloe doesn't respond, Beca says, "Not like, dinner- _dinner_ , just..."

Chloe grins. "Only if you take me around your city first."

Beca smiles and nods.

* * *

Beca shows Chloe around her city, since by Chloe's own admission she's looking to see if L.A. is a place she could settle down in. Now is as good a time as any to go around the city, Beca reasons to Chloe. Chloe doesn't argue that point.

Chloe remembers she still has her stuff at the hotel she has checked herself in, so they drive to the hotel first, have her check out and after they've put her small black luggage in the trunk and her laptop in the back, Beca turns to Chloe as she starts the car and asks, as the car purrs to life "So where to now?"

Chloe shrugs. "I don't know. Just show me what's cool and happening here."

As Beca steers the car out of the garage and into the street and out on the main road, Beca snorts. "There's really nothing to see here, to be honest."

Chloe shrugs. "It's my last day. I'm going home tomorrow. Show me around anyway."

Chloe leans over, looks to Beca for permission as her hand hovers over Beca's car stereo. When Beca nods and says, "Sure, go ahead", Chloe turns on the car stereo, and fiddles with the dial, searching for a decent radio station that, judging by how impatient Chloe seems at the sound of voices, doesn't talk too much. For a while, there is only static and random voices filling the inside of the car with sound, before Chloe happens on a station with a male DJ's voice that's soothing and not at all annoying. As the voice introduces the next song and the first strains of Ronan Keating's "When You Say Nothing At All" start to play, Chloe leans back on her car seat with satisfaction, as Beca looks at her from the corner of her eye.

" _It's amazing how you can speak right from the heart…_ " Ronan starts to sing.

"You can't be serious," Beca says now.

Chloe chuckles. "It's a nice song."

"It's a cheesy song," Beca says.

" _Without saying a word, you can light up the dark…_ "

"Scratch that," Beca says now, as she comes to a stop on an intersection in downtown L.A. "It's an awful song."

" _Try as I might, I can never explain._

 _What I feel when you don't say a thing…"_

Chloe only grins, nodding her head to the song, as Beca says, "It's a _terrible_ song."

Chloe only rolls her eyes, shrugs and starts to sing along,

" _The smile on your face, let's me know that you need me…_

 _There's a truth in your eyes knowing you'll never leave me…_

 _The touch of your hand tells me you'll catch me whenever I fall…"_

Then Chloe looks at Beca now and sings, " _You say it best, when you say nothing at all…_ "

"Oh, god this is going to be a long day," Beca mutters.

Chloe chuckles as she continues to sing along to the song.

When the light changes, Beca starts the car again, cruising down the road with Chloe singing to Ronan Keating's song.

A couple of hours later, Beca has driven Chloe through downtown L.A., indicating which ones are important buildings or landmarks, which Chloe looks at and politely nods in acknowledgement. Beca thinks Chloe is a bit unimpressed with the city, and may perhaps be bored with L.A.

"I'm sorry. It's just buildings, traffic, lots of people and smog. You're right, there's really nothing to see here," Beca says apologetically now as they stop at a traffic light. And she finds this is true. L.A. isn't nearly as charming as New York or as cool, but it has its own charm.

Chloe only shrugs. "It's fine."

When they pass by a street with a group of bald people in white robes dancing around with gongs, Beca says, "Wow, look at those people, they're so _weird_."

Chloe only smiles. Chloe says, "Yeah, but it looks like fun."

Beca looks at her out from the corner of her eye. "But look at them. That's so embarrassing!"

"Yeah, but they're being in the _moment_ ," Chloe says now. "They're _happy_."

Beca only rolls her eyes. "Do you want to go to dinner now?" Beca asks.

Chloe nods. "Sure. But there is one thing I'd like to see."

"What's that?"

Chloe looks at her with that trademark mischievous twinkle in her eye that Beca has come to know so well.

"Oh, god, whatever you're thinking, it's going to get me into trouble, isn't it?" Beca says.

Chloe only grins.

* * *

An hour later, they are driving through Los Feliz Boulevard, up Vermont Canyon road, past the Greek Theater, and through the tunnel. Beca stays to the right, which is Mt. Hollywood Drive. When they find that the road is closed, that doesn't deter Chloe from insisting that they check it out anyway. They find a large road, which takes them down the paved Mt. Lee Drive, and from there, they make their way up the road. The walk takes a bit long, the dirt road full of horse manure, the road itself dusty and steep, and in a few minutes they are heaving and out of breath from the walk. Beca finds that she is embarrassingly sweaty from the walk as she trudges up the path. She is thankful it is not too hot or humid and that it is only partly sunny, the usually blue sky half-hidden by large, cotton soft clouds. Behind them, Beca can see trees, in between which she can see the buildings and apartment blocks and houses that so define the L.A. landscape. In front of her, she can see the trail and mountain sides, and some people leisurely walking to or from the sign, or jogging or going on horseback. Beca can hear her shoes scrunching against stones as she drags herself grudgingly up the path. A few minutes of walking and she is protesting already.

"I can't believe you talked me into this, Chloe," Beca mutters now. She slips and slides and exclaims, " _Woopsie daisies_!"

Chloe stops right now, panting and says, "Woopsie daisies?"

Beca blushes. "Whatever, dude." Beca stumbles over a rock on the road and she exclaims, "Woopsie daisies!"

Chloe doesn't even try to conceal her mirth as she laughs out loud. "Beca, no one's used that expression since…the 1950s…"

Beca blushes even more. "Yeah, yeah, it's a disease…I'm under medication."

"I mean who even says that anymore?" Chloe says now, eyes twinkling with delight. "And the only one who says that are little old biddies and blonde little Shirley Temple look-alikes skipping down the street on their way to school."

"Shut up," Beca says now, trying to glare at Chloe as Chloe only laughs. Beca concentrates on putting one foot in front of the other, "This is harder than…"

Chloe only smirks at her as she continues to climb up the path. A group of old people pass them by, chattering away happily, followed by a group of high school age kids laughing and shouting as they run right past the two women and Beca says, "Ah, clearly it's not."

"Hurry up!" Chloe asks now, motioning with her head for Beca to follow.

Beca only groans in complaint, so Chloe rolls her eyes, comes up to Beca, grabs her hand and half-drags Beca up the trails to Beca's protests. As they continue up the road, it doesn't escape her attention that Chloe has slipped her fingers into Beca's hand and as they slow down as they reach the top of the road, near where the sign is, Chloe has twined her fingers to Beca's and hasn't let go.

"I am so out of shape," Beca pants now, as she follows Chloe on top of the mountain. She almost loses her footing on the steep path again and exclaims, "Oh, my!"

Chloe grips her hand, to make sure Beca doesn't fall, and starts to laugh again. "Oh, my god, Beca. George Takei called. He wants his expression back."

"Shut _up_!" Beca says now, face red both from exertion and embarrassment.

Chloe only laughs.

After much heaving and exertion, they both find themselves on top of the mountain, near where the Hollywood sign is, which, much to Beca's relief and Chloe's disappointment, is surrounded by an electrified chain-link fence and a large "No Access to Hollywood Sign" signpost in big, bold letters, with threats of arrest and prosecution should visitors insist on doing so. Both women, however, are rewarded with a view of L.A., from the Santa Ana Mountains, downtown, Hollywood, Wilshire Boulevard, Port of Los Angeles, Palos Verdes Peninsula, Santana Catalina Island and the Los Angeles International Airport. The sky above the city is a mix of smog and clouds.

"This is more like it," Chloe says, in between deep breaths, as she takes in the view. She squeezes Beca's hand in excitement before she lets go of her hand.

Beca, panting beside her and doubled over with exhaustion, puts her hands on her knees and panting, says, "Well, glad you like it." Beca straightens up, spreads her arm out and says, expansively, "Welcome to Hollywood, land of dreams. Where dreams come to live or die. Some dreams come true, some don't. But keep on dreaming, this is Hollywood- always time to dream. So keep on dreaming!"

Chloe only smiles and shakes her head. "Thanks for bringing me here."

They are silent for a while, before Beca speaks up. "So." She looks at Chloe from the corner of her eye. "Do you think L.A. is the city for you? Can you see yourself staying here?"

Chloe is quiet, before she shrugs noncommittally, taking in the breathtaking view of L.A. "I don't know."

Beca nods, and says, still catching her breath, "Now can we go back? We have that thing with my dad."

Chloe only smiles, looking out at the view quietly. "Okay. "But can we get to the sign itself?"

Beca rolls her eyes. "What is it with you guys and climbing the Hollywood Sign? Besides, that only happens in movies. You have to get a special permit and stuff to climb the sign. You can't get to the sign itself without climbing fences, setting off alarms, possibly getting electrocuted in the process and pretty much getting arrested. I…"

"And you always follow the rules all the time, Beca?" Chloe asks now, a glint of a challenge in her eye.

"I…" Beca says, speechless, before she feels herself blushing. "No. We are not going up the sign. No freaking way, Chloe."

It takes a very lengthy lecture and seeing actual police officers in uniform and a police car to convince Chloe that climbing the fence and the sign itself is a bad idea.

Once that is out of the way, the two women make their way down the path again that will lead them to Beca's car so they can get to their dinner appointment on time. Chloe's started to hum Alicia Keys' "Girl on Fire", which is playing in her mobile phone, ear phone secure in her ear.

But then, in the middle of their descent from the mountain, Chloe sees the sun set and she stops, excitedly grabs Beca's arm and points to the horizon.

"Hey, check it out," Chloe says, softly, excitedly, as she points to the sunset.

Beca stops, stares at what Chloe is pointing at.

They stand in silence as the sun turns a bright red, then a subdued orange, mixed in with purple and indigo. Chloe absently hooks her arm into Beca's as she watches the sun set. Beca, who's been in LA a few years now, has not actually bothered with the Hollywood Sign or any of the other landmarks or tourist attractions in L.A. Much of it is not to her liking anyway. But she looks at LA now and she finds that viewed from this vantage point, LA can actually pass for a nice city.

She looks over at Chloe, who's fallen silent beside her, one earphone stuck in her ear for the walk down the mountain. As Beca looks at her, the light of the sun shining softly on her, Chloe, with her wavy red hair set aflame by the light, skin aglow in the afternoon light, looks like she's on fire, and Beca thinks she is stunning, beautiful and exquisite by the light of orange dusk. Beca's breath catches, and she forgets the view of the sunset over the horizon, and in fact, is staring at Chloe instead.

The spell is broken when a group of very loud, very noisy tourists interrupt their moment with their very loud chatting and shouting and bantering as they scrunch and half-walk, half-run down the path. The two women step aside to let the group pass and after a few moments, they follow the group down the path and into the parking lot. On their way down, Chloe's hand has surreptitiously slid from Beca's arm to her wrist, and finally to her hand and their hands are intertwined by the time they reach Beca's car. Beca makes a conscious effort to not make a big deal out of it, but when she has to open her side of the car and Chloe lets her hand go to go to the other side of the car, Beca can't help but miss the warmth of Chloe's hand.

She sighs, as she gets and lets Chloe in, randomly wishing, as she starts the car, she could hold Chloe's hand. She is surprised by this random thought.

* * *

"Do you want to go home now now?" Beca asks after

"It's my last night in L.A.," Chloe reminds her now. "Show me something special. Some place that's unique, that's very L.A. but kind of special and stuff."

Beca slowly nods, suddenly realizing that it is, in fact, Chloe's last night in L.A. She can feel a vague sadness at this revelation, and perhaps a bit of anxiety, already not looking forward to the solitude that will welcome her when she returns to her apartment.

Beca inhales slowly. "Something special," she repeats flatly.

Chloe grins. "Yes."

Beca thinks about it for a while, keys in the ignition, before she makes up her mind, nods and says, "Okay."

As they pull out of the restaurant, Chloe asks, "Where are we going?"

Beca only grins. "You have to wait and see."

* * *

Later, after weaving through downtown traffic, Beca cursing under her breath for the traffic and the roads and highways being crazy and ridiculous, they turn off the main road and Beca drives the car up a deserted road. The city drops back beneath them, as the road before them stretches, and in a few minutes, Beca parks the car at a view point just off the road, which affords them a view of the Pacific Ocean and the city on their left.

Chloe gets another call as they get out of the car, and she answers it with a, "Hey, Bradley…Yeah, I'm still in L.A…" and Beca takes out her phone, puts in her earphones and leans on the hood of the car, watching the sea in the distance, ostensibly pretending she is not dying to know who this Bradley is, and instead listening to some mindless music that she can ignore as she just enjoys the view. She checks her phone for messages and she finds that Jesse's agent, manager and publicist, and her lawyer, has left her messages again.

Once Chloe's call with "Bradley" is done, Chloe turns the phone off and she looks up and the smile on her face widens and she looks at Beca and says, "This is _awesome_."

As they lean on Beca's car, and look at the view of the ocean, and the city and the stars above, Chloe says, "Wow, look at those stars. It's beautiful." In a few seconds, she is asking, uncertainly, "Is that…is that Cassiopeia?"

Beca slides closer to her and says, "Yeah, I think it is." She is silent for a while before she says, "L.A. looks nice from here."

She's never put much stock on LA and its sights. In fact, lately she's been feeling a distant feeling against LA. She doesn't know if it's because she's been here too long, and the cynicism produced by the many attempts she's made into the music business that yielded zero results, coupled with the falseness and fabricated look LA and its citizens exude, has made Beca feel even more distant than before.

"It looks nice," Chloe says now as she looks at the city.

A breeze from the sea come up them now and they both shiver in the cold. Chloe is only a dress. Beca is wearing pants and a blouse and jacket. She removes her jacket to offer it to Chloe. Chloe looks at her and smiles, before she takes the jacket and puts it on with a "thank you" to Beca.

"This place really looks nice," Chloe says again.

Beca nods in agreement. "I come here sometimes, when things get really tough and all I want to do is scream."

"You go out here alone?" Chloe asks now. "Isn't that dangerous?"

"Yeah, but it's cool. I come here sometimes," Beca says. "I don't stay out too late. Sometimes I just drive around, to clear my head. Then I go back back home after."

"I can see the appeal," Chloe says now. "This place makes you forget that most of the people here are total goobers and buttheads."

Beca looks at her now. Chloe though is looking up at the sky. Beca bursts out laughing.

Chloe looks at her now. "What?"

" _Goober? Butthead?_ " Beca asks now. "Who even says that anymore?"

Beca thinks Chloe might actually be blushing in the half-darkness. Chloe only laughs. "Whatever. Leave me alone."

Beca laughs. "If you've decided, on the strength of my very bad tour guiding, that L.A. is not for you, I'm so sorry. I am the _worst_ tour guide in the world."

Chloe grins as she looks at her, considering it for a moment. "I don't know. It might take a bit of getting used to, but there's something about the smog and traffic and crime rate that's very charming and appealing."

As Beca only laughs, Chloe says, "I could like it here."

Beca says, "Oh, I don't know about that. You've been all over the world. L.A. must be boring by comparison."

Chloe says, looking her in the eye, "Most cities are the same. In the end, I think what matters most is the people in the place, not the tourist spots and stuff. The reason I liked Nairobi was because the people there were warm, happy, the life simple and the work very fulfilling. India was the same, too, come to think of it."

A silence descends on them as they enjoy the early evening view of LA spread out before them.

Chloe is silent. "Don't you wish sometimes like you could stop time?"

The question surprises Beca. When she turns and looks at Chloe questioningly, Chloe says, "Don't you wish you could just stop time? Keep it from moving, just stop it in its tracks?"

Beca is silent for a few seconds, before she says, "If you could stop time, when would you stop it?"

Chloe considers this for a moment, biting her lower lip as she does so, before she says, "I guess if I could, I'd stop it around my childhood years, when the family was still all around me, still complete, and not scattered like the wind."

Beca grins. "Don't want to stop time during your teen years or years at Barden?"

Chloe chuckles. "God, stopping time through your teen years, _ugh_. That would be a nightmare." She is silent now before she turns to Beca and asks, "What about you? When would you stop it?"

Beca looks at Chloe, and is surprised that the first thing that comes to mind, is _now_. That if she could stop time, she'd stop it right now, right at this moment, on this very night, here, with Chloe, on top of one of the letters of the Hollywood sign, just staring out at the city's landscape and the stars scattered across the night sky. The random, errant thought surprises her and she stops herself in time before she blurts it out. Instead, she considers the question first before she says, "I don't know. Maybe a few months ago? Or last year? Or right before the wedding? Or even before that? If I'd only known then what I know now, I would have stopped it then when I was still young…before it was too late…"

Chloe is silent. Then she speaks up. "I don't think I would stop time, actually. I think I'd just let it go on like it has been."

Beca looks at her. "You would?"

"Yeah," Chloe answers it. She grins at Beca now. "I'd love to see what the future will bring. I'd hate to miss out on some aca-awesome stuff that might come up, you know?"

Beca grins now. "What, like hoverboards and flying cars and vintage Nike sneakers and synthetic, edible windbreakers and stuff?"

Chloe laughs now. "Nerd."

They are silent again for a few moments, before Chloe says, "You don't need to worry about it."

Beca looks her over. "Worry about what?"

Chloe says, "Everything."

"Oh," Beca says.

Chloe smiles. "Everything's going to be okay."

"Yeah?"

Chloe nods, a twinkle in her eye. "Totally."

Beca grins, remembering that Chloe had, in fact, dabbled in cooking when they were roommates. Although she remembers Chloe being an infinitely better cook than Beca ever was. Jesse was the cook between them. Beca had an over-reliance on Chinese and Indian take-out and fastfood.

They fall silent again, before Chloe speaks up, softly, this time. "You're being too hard on yourself, you know. I think you should just…take it easy. Let go. It wasn't all your fault. Some things just…run its course…you know…?"

Beca doesn't know what to answer to that.

So Beca doesn't to say anything.

When Beca still doesn't say anything, Chloe says, softly, "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Beca asks, now surprised.

Chloe shrugs. "I think I may have overstepped the line…"

Beca shakes her head. "No, no," she quickly says. "I don't think you could ever do that," she says now, and she finds, as she says it, that it is true. When it comes to Chloe, she's never minded any of it. "Don't be sorry," Beca says now. "It's the most fun I've had since…"

Here, Beca stops, not knowing to continue, thinking it's the most fun she's had since before her divorce from Jesse.

Chloe doesn't say anything.

"So, think you might like it here?" Beca asks now.

"I don't know yet," Chloe says. "It depends."

"On what?"

Chloe is silent for a heartbeat. "On whether there's something more here I can stay for. It takes more than a few nice tourist attractions to make me stay."

Beca says, "Well, stay a few more days, check the place out, see if it's your scene."

Chloe only smiles. "I have work."

Beca says, "Yeah."

"Yeah," Chloe says. They are silent for a while. "Tired?"

Beca nods, yawning. "Yeah."

"Shall we go then?"

Beca looks at Chloe now. "Yeah."

As they get into the car, Chloe says something casually to Beca. "And you're not, you know."

"I'm not what?" Beca asks absently as she starts the car.

Chloe looks at Beca now. "A loser."

Beca stops, stares at Chloe.

Chloe smiles. "You never were. You never will be. Don't ever think otherwise."

* * *

Later, the two find themselves back in Beca's neighborhood, in her apartment, in her bedroom. To Beca's consternation, the guest room is locked, and since she isn't sure if Amy is home, or not, and since Chloe insists they share the bed, the two end up doing so again.

When Beca comes out of the bathroom, Chloe is already in bed, freshly showered and in one of Beca's oversized shirts, and under the covers, going through her laptop, with her earphones on. Beca assumes she is checking her email.

Chloe shifts and makes a space for Beca as Beca slides into the bed and under the covers. As she does so, she leans over and asks, "What are you doing?"

Chloe only grins and shows her laptop. "Massai warriors dancing."

Beca watches Africans in traditional garb dancing and swaying to and fro and jumping up and down to an African beat and she grins. "Seriously?"

Chloe only shakes her head. "Want to learn?"

Before Beca can shake her head no, Chloe is already pulling her out of the bed and teaching her the dance in the bedroom, both of them barefoot, African music playing on her laptop as they sway to and from with the beat. Though Beca is whining and complaining that she is sleepy and tired, she finds the beat fascinating and she is actually enjoying watching Chloe light up with such joy and enthusiasm teaching her how to dance. In one instance, Chloe actually stands behind Beca and tries to demonstrate the way she's supposed to be dancing and Beca is rolling her eyes, and joking, "I don't think that's part of the dance. You're just using that as an excuse to cop a feel."

Chloe only laughs, completely unperturbed by what Beca has just said as they dance around in her bedroom. After a few minutes of doing so, Beca finds herself learning some Indian dance or other, and a chant Chloe has learned when she was in Nepal, and another when she'd visited by China, showing Beca a video of a group of old Chinese men and women gathered around chanting a song that Beca does not know the meaning of, but which she finds she is mesmerized by, their voices in perfect harmony, rising and falling in perfect unison, lulling her, soothing her, and as she watches the video and plays it over and over again, she can feel the tendrils of an idea start to rise up within her. The song is beautiful.

Chloe just looks at her, grinning. "Wow. You really like that video," she comments.

"This is amazing."

Chloe grins before she starts to yawn. "I knew you would like that. I don't know why, but when I was taking a video of these Chinese people chanting, I don't know, I thought of you."

Beca looks at her now. "You thought of me?" Beca doesn't know why but she feels flattered that Chloe would remember while she's travelling.

Chloe grins, looking completely unaware of Beca looking pleased. "Yeah, I thought it would be cool to show it to you."

"You didn't think of Aubrey first?"

Chloe laughs. "You know how Aubrey likes her women artists. She doesn't break tradition and stuff."

They look at the video again, before Chloe starts to yawn and Beca follows suit.

Chloe says, "God, I'm tired. I think I'm just going to sleep now."

Beca nods. "You've had a long day."

Chloe nods back. "As have you." Then she smiles now, as she looks at Beca and she says, "Thanks for showing me L.A."

Beca grins. "You're welcome."

As they get ready for bed, Chloe turns her player on, just so they can listen to some music, since Beca has shown some curiosity with regards Chloe's night time playlist.

Chloe says, "I doubt if you're going to like my jam. I don't think retro is your thing."

As Beca settles down on her side of the bed, "As long as I'm not hearing your lady jam, I'm cool."

Chloe chuckles as they listen to the songs. The songs are conventional, very Chloe, in fact. She sees Alicia Keys' "Girl On Fire", Pink's "Just Give Me A Reason", a few old songs, unfamiliar ones, Genesis, Phil Collins, Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes", Spandau Ballet's "True" and the Beatles' "I Will".

In a few minutes, both fall asleep to the music in Chloe's laptop.

* * *

Beca wakes up the next day to Chloe watching the news on her laptop.

When she is about to say something, Chloe just hands her laptop, turning the volume up.

"...If you're just tuning in, up and coming TV and movie star Jesse Swanson has just checked himself into a rehab for alcohol and substance abuse…"

They both look at handsome photos of Jesse at various events and clips of him in movies and television shows. The reporter proceeds to briefly but comprehensively discuss Jesse Swanson's career, complete with photos and clips from his television shows. Before either one knows it, the news is over.

A silence descends on both of them.

Neither one knows what to say.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

" _It is not inertia alone that is responsible for human relationships repeating themselves from case to case, indescribably monotonous and unrenewed: it is shyness before any sort of new, unforeseeable experience with which one does not think oneself able to cope. But only someone who is ready for everything, who excludes nothing, not even the most enigmatical will live the relation to another as something alive." - Rainer Maria Rilke_

It takes Beca a few days to get in touch with her ex-husband.

She hasn't seen him since their fight. Most of the communicating, or lack of it thereof, had been done through lawyers or mutual friends, and that one time when her father had tried to talk to her about the divorce when he'd come over to L.A. to have dinner with her.

His agent, publicist, manager and lawyer had actually hadn't known where he was and that was why they were trying to get in touch with her, with the mistaken idea that she would know where he was. He'd actually missed an interview, a magazine and music video shoot, and a meeting that day they'd been texting and trying to call her, and nobody knew where he was. To describe them as freaking out would be an understatement. They had been trying to get in touch with her to warn her as well of the unconfirmed Jennifer Scott rumor. Jennifer Scott is an A-List actress with a constant horde of paparazzi following her around like insects flying around a beehive, or a carcass, waiting to pounce over a slight whiff of a controversy and make a big buck off of a famous movie star. She's also currently America's sweetheart, so fans adore her in anything and everything she makes, even that insipid, infantile romantic comedy that one critic had said, "I'd rather choke on my dentures than watch that movie ever again." As America's sweetheart, fans also follow whatever she does, where she eats, where she shops, what she wears, and who she dates. She'd started out as a child actor in one of those kiddie channels that feature animated shows and kids' shows that feature overly perky kids who seem to be hopped up on sugar. She'd moved on to soap operas, before venturing into television shows and movies, making a name for herself doing predictable romantic comedies and the occasional indie film. Along the way, she's battled substance abuse, abusive boyfriends and a couple of nervous breakdowns, but each time she's bounced back stronger than ever, earning her the industry's respect. She has lately started venturing into producing.

Beca knows Jennifer Scott. She's tall, brunette and slim and she has this annoying laugh that Beca has decided is a donkey bray, rather than a human one. Her face is quite ordinary, Beca thinks, but that's just her.

She thinks about this now as she drives to the place. She still cannot see the center, but it has that originally named "Safe Haven". She knows she is close though, because as she continues to drive, there are fewer and fewer cars, houses, and people, and more trees, bushes, shrubs, and the paved road has become a dirt road, tires crunching against the gravel and dirty road, kicking up a cloud of dust in her wake. All around her, lush, verdant mountains rise up to meet the bright blue sky. There are empty fields of green and brown, occasional horses grazing on fields.

In a few minutes she can see the center, a large, expansive group of buildings, with an expansive courtyard with a large driveway, benches, tables, trees. She knows there is a lake at the back, a swimming pool, and should the clients feel the need, they can go for a walk in the woods at the back of the center. The center itself doesn't actually look like a rehab center. It looks like a very expensive getaway ranch-style resort, with a large, modern-looking main building, and wooden log cabins that surround the main building. A few cars are out front. A few people, Beca guesses they are also clients, are out in the courtyard, talking, chatting with each other. The center looks exactly like what it looked like on the internet, when she'd checked it out right after Jesse had gotten in touch with her to tell her where he was.

By the time Beca is about to give up on getting in touch with Jesse, she's worried, wondering where he is, because despite everything they have been going through the past months, she still had ten years with Jesse and she at least owed it to him to make sure he was okay.

After a few days, she gets a call from her ex-husband, his voice sounding somber and subdued, distant and hesitant, sheepish and apologetic, one day during the week. By that time, there had been a bit more news about Jesse and Jennifer's alleged romance. Jesse is nowhere to be found, and whenever any reporter can get hold of Jennifer, or even, aspiring politician and close friend Richard Bradley Wiener Bowie III, the only thing they offers is a "no comment" or a short, diplomatic, deliberately vague answer. For a while, there are gifs and memes about Jesse, Jennifer and Richard Bradley Wiener Bowie III, Beca's favorite being the one with Richard Bradley Wiener Bowie III looking like he's about to hulk out over Jesse and Jennifer Scott's rumored romance, with the amusing caption, "The rise of Dick" beneath the gif. In time, the news about them die out until it is no longer mentioned.

She remembers the conversation with Jesse now, an awkward conversation, if there ever was one, filled with a lot of pauses and fillers. Beca is only so relieved Jesse even remembers to call her and tell her where he is that she forgets to admonish him for keeping this, his addiction, the rumors, everything else to himself, angry that she's had to find out about his checking into a rehab on the news.

He speaks to her casually now, like he's talking about the weather, or his day at the set, voice even and slightly monotonous, talking about this place an hour away from L.A. called "Safe Haven", a rehab facility that's had a high success rate for addicts, offering the necessary the assistance, counseling and program that addicts need to recover and start anew sans their addictions. There is the added bonus of having privacy and peace and quiet, all of which can ensure that a patient can recover faster.

Beca hadn't gotten much in edgewise because Jesse hadn't given her enough of a chance to talk, telling her, "Listen, please let me speak first. I need to get this out before I lose my nerve. My counselor says I need to deal with this. Don't worry, I'm okay, I'm fine, it's great here, it's a nice break from my life, we have regular meals and regular counseling sessions and we get to watch movies at night, or take a walk in the woods or whatever, but anyway, there's this session during the day, where we're required to bring in our loved ones for a family counseling session and…"

"I'm not your family," Beca blurts out before she can stop herself. There is an awkward silence at the other end of the line. "Well, not anymore, anyway."

She can hear Jesse let out a resigned sigh, before he says, slightly irritated, "Well, you're family to me, Beca." It surprises Beca a bit, this little outburst from Jesse, before she hears him take a nervous deep breath and says, "I mean, you're still listed as the person they're supposed to contact in case of an emergency. Listen, this rehab thing's really made me think a lot about the stuff that's been going on in my life and the reasons behind it and I have to come up with, like, a recovery plan and stuff to make sure I don't relapse and stuff. It's an assignment that I have before they allow me to leave..." When Beca doesn't say anything, Jesse continues, growing more agitated and nervous, "And part of the counseling is…kind of dealing with why I'd become addicted in the first place, and trying to figure out how I don't relapse. And the counselor says I have a better chance of not relapsing if the people that I care about are onboard my recovery plan, 'cause that will help me stay on course and…can you come here? I know you're busy and stuff but…it would really mean a lot to me if you could…"

Beca had told him then that she'd think about it.

She had actually talked to Chloe right after her conversation with Jesse. Chloe's the only one she calls after Jesse has called her, asking her if she should join one of the counseling sessions at Safe Haven. When she had called Chloe that time though, to talk about Jesse, she hadn't known Chloe was in New York, and thus was in different time zone.

Chloe had groggily answered the phone, clearly having been sleeping when Beca had called.

"Oh, my god, Chloe, I'm so sorry," Beca had said, apologetic and suddenly feeling like an idiot for waking Chloe up.

"Beca?" Chloe asks now, voice still sounding sleepy and uncertain. When Beca says that it is, indeed herself, calling Chloe and proceeds to apologize profusely for waking her up in the middle of the night, Chloe says, "No, no, it's okay. I'm up now anyway, so…"

"Only 'cause I just woke you," Beca says. "I'm so sorry. Were you sleeping when I called…?"

"Yeah, but stop it, it's fine. I'd been meaning to wake up early anyway, to write something and work on a paper," Chloe says, good-naturedly, and Beca can hear her yawning, can hear the rustle of sheets as she shifts on her bed. "What's up?"

Beca says, uncertainly, "I don't know whether I should be talking about this with you but…"

"Shoot," Chloe says.

And before Beca knows it, she's telling Chloe about Jesse, and his random phone call to her and how she's supposed to go to the counseling session with him for an assignment and for a recovery plan and how it's vital that she be there to support him because if she's not there, there's a possibility that he might relapse and she concludes by saying, "And I don't know what to do, and I'm still mad at him but I'm worried about this thing with him, too and…"

"Well, do you want to go?" Chloe asks now.

Beca hesitates, thinks about it for a moment, before she says, "I don't know. I'm not sure."

"Okay," Chloe says, not knowing what else to say. She pauses, before she says, "Do you think this might help not only Jesse but you too?"

"What do you mean?"

"Um…" Chloe says now. "There must be a reason he's in rehab now, some trigger or something and it's probably crucial that you be there as well."

"You think it might help him?" Beca asks now.

"It might," Chloe says now. "But you don't have to go if you don't want to. It's totally your call. You are free to do whatever you want to do, you know. You don't need to do it just 'cause you're obligated to do it."

Beca thinks about this for a second before she says, "You're right. Okay. Thanks."

* * *

She parks her car in the partially empty parking lot beside the main building, and steps out into a bright day.

She's nervous and anxious, and she doesn't know whether it's because she's about to have her relationship and marriage with Jesse scrutinized by an impersonal, judgmental counselor who's probably listing down the many reasons why Jesse's descended into a drug and alcoholic haze. She's pretty sure the counselor is going to pin Jesse's problems on Beca. Everyone else seems to think so. Or at least she thinks they are.

The first time she came and joined the guided session with Jesse's assigned counselor, it isn't at all like what Beca had imagined it to be, but it isn't the most comfortable situation Beca's been in, especially once the personal discussions start. Beca had barely made it in the first session that they had. Jesse had done his best to not look disappointed as Beca drives off in her car.

This is Beca's second time to visit Jesse. She hopes it is better than the first time.

She feels her heart flutter as she takes out her keys out of the ignition, checks her reflection on the mirror, unlocks her car door, slams it and locks it. She looks up at the building and feels the anxiety grow ten-fold as she takes a deep breath. She's nervous and anxious and she doesn't know what to expect this time around.

She starts to make her way out of the parking lot and into the courtyard. If she is worried that the other people might stare at her and figure out she's Jesse's ex-wife, she needn't have worried. The other people pretty much ignore her, smiling and acknowledging her presence but not really making a big deal out of it, the people around her pretty much ignoring her and resuming talking with each other. She is about to make her way to the entrance to the main lobby, shiny double glass doors where she can see a pretty modern comfortable interior with lounge chairs, a couch, a glass table with some seems like magazines. She stops, hesitates, unsure about whether she should go in now or not. As she stands there, wondering what to do, she hears a distinctive voice from behind the bushes.

"I like Green Lantern, I'm just saying it's pretty lame that he can be defeated by the color yellow," the voice says now. "Yeah, no, I've never thought of that…Yes, I've never stopped to think about that, but yeah, I guess Wolverine _could_ have balls of adamantium…" There is a pause before the voice speaks up again, "Yeah, Watchmen's movie version was cool, but it wasn't exactly true to the comic books…But 'Avengers' was awesome. So was the 'Dark Knight' series…'Ironman' 3 was pretty freaking epic…Yeah, the new 'Superman' was pretty okay-ish. I don't go online to check the reviews, dude. But, describing the new 'Superman' movie as a space opera is kind of good, right? It's like 'Star Wars', but with a guy wearing his underwear outside his tights, and his cape…"

She takes a step forward, having a sneaking suspicion who is talking and she is rewarded by Jesse sitting on a bench behind a big, trimmed bush, holding his iPad in his hands, chatting away to, of course, Benji. Or as they are wont to do when they get together or call or text or Skype, geek out, or outgeek each other. Jesse looks relaxed, something Beca realizes she hasn't seen him before. Maybe it has something to do with the way he is leaning back on the bench, arm on one side, wearing jeans and a loose, blue, worn Superman shirt. Beca can recognize that shirt anywhere. It's one of Jesse's favorite shirts. Jesse is smiling at the iPad, running his hand on his wavy hair. From where she is standing, she can see the faint hints of receding hairline, although he still looks as handsome and boyish as he did when she first saw him at Barden. He looks freshly showered, neat, clean, still every inch the All-American, boy-next-door guy, except for the fact that he's currently a recovering alcoholic and addict.

Beca speaks now, "Well, a nerd in the hand is worth two in the bush…"

Jesse turns as he hears Beca's voice, and despite himself, he starts to laugh, looking sheepish, as Beca says, "No, scratch that. Never mind. They're not worth anything. Hey."

Jesse nods, turns his tablet around so Beca can see Benji on the screen and Beca says, "Hey, Benji."

Benji smiles and says "Hi" back. Benji hasn't changed since their Barden days, is sitting hunched in front of his computer, in glasses and a shirt, waving at Beca.

"There are so many reasons Green Lantern sucks," she says now, stepping forward, addressing both Jesse and Beca with a smile. "Those Marvel films are insignificant. You've seen one, you've seen them all. They have all have the same basic template. 'Avengers' is like 'Transformers 3', except less nauseating. Ang Lee's Incredible Hulk is an anomaly. 'Watchmen' kind of sucked. 'Sucker Punch' kind of sucked, too. Zack Snyder is awful. He missed what 'Watchmen' was all about and wimped out on all the essential plot points that made the novels awesome. And the lesbian superhero got killed off. And it had that overly long, totally unnecessary sex scene that served no purpose whatsoever. 'Transformers' was just freaking _irritating_. And _really_ sexist and misogynist. And don't get me started on the 'Dark Knight' series. I mean, that trilogy is like, 'Oh, he's brooding and the film is all dark, how awesome!' And I still don't get the nerd love for 'Star Wars'. I mean, space operas, ugh. I get what's it all about but seriously, _guys_ , that series is just…ugh, enough already. And Wolverine's adamantium balls? Seriously?" After she delivers this rant, she stops, confused, before she says, "Oh, my god, I just sounded like a total nerd. What's happening to me?"

Jesse and Benji do not know what to say as they both look at Beca.

"Okay, so I guess I've got to go now, but let me just say…only the modern Green Lantern is vulnerable to yellow. Golden Age Green Lantern was vulnerable to wood," Benji says now.

"So I can take both Green Lanterns out with a number two pencil?" Beca says.

"Ignoring that," Benji says, "As for the Star Wars obsession and whatever, you can't really separate that from the pop culture DNA of some people. It still holds up as an awesome series of movies. Yes, Lee's Hulk was an anomaly, but it was okay. Yes, the Watchmen film is admittedly a bit self-important and pretentious in some parts, and it's missed the whole point of the novels but it's still an entertaining and cautionary tale about power and responsibility. And Avengers is awesome. Although I guess we can both agree that Transformers was awful. I think the nerd herd likes some films but reject others because some films are just fundamentally bad, on all levels. And also? Space operas are _always_ a good thing."

As he finishes his speech, Jesse moves the iPad to himself and says, "Hey, I'd love to chat, but I've got to go now. See you soon."

"Yeah, definitely!" Benji says now. "Don't forget, we have that Dungeons and Dragons thing that we're supposed to do." When Jesse nods, Benji says, "See you on the outside!"

After they say their goodbyes, Jesse logs out of his Skype, stands up and looks at Beca. "Hey."

They stand there in awkward silence, not knowing what else to say to each other, before Beca hurriedly says, "What now?"

Jesse nervously shifts from one foot to the other. "Well, we're supposed to meet my counselor in there." And he points a finger to the main lobby. He then nervously puts a hand on the back of his head, and his neck, a sign that he's a bit anxious and nervous. "I mean, we don't have to do anything you don't feel comfortable doing, but yeah…"

Beca swallows and requests hurriedly that they forego the presence of a counselor and talk to each other privately instead.

"Are you sure?" Jesse says uncertainly.

"I promise I won't kick you in the 'nads," Beca says now, with a grin she hopes can put him at ease.

"Scout's honor?" Jesse asks, looking at her cautiously.

"Scout's honor."

Jesse nods before he grins and says, "I know just the place."

* * *

After Jesse informs the front desk where he and Beca are going, in a few minutes they are taking a walk through the woods, a canopy of trees above them, and forest floor of grass, bush, shrub, fallen leaves and twigs beneath their feet, and all around them, the sound of birds and insects, a soft breeze blowing between the leaves, the only witnesses to their conversation. The rays of the late morning sun pass through the trees, illuminating the landscape with something akin to a magical feeling, making everything look more vibrant and beautiful. Beca feels a bit tired, having left L.A. early to beat early morning traffic so she can make it to the counseling session, but despite her exhaustion the place seems to be renewing her as she stands there breathing fresh air and listening to nature sounds, both a rarity in L.A.

They start the conversation easily enough. Beca asks what life is like at "Safe Haven". Jesse says it is quite good, that it's pretty regimented, they wake up at seven in the morning for breakfast, have a brief meeting after breakfast about rehab concerns, laundry, food and so on, then everyone goes off to do homework such as their recovery plans, or meet their counselors for individual counseling, alone or with loved ones, lunch is at noon, then after lunch, they have lectures on the effect of drug and alcohol addiction to their physical, mental, social and psychological well-being, complete with very graphic photos that illustrate how the pancreas, the liver, and any other vital organ will look like after years of drug and alcohol abuse, then there's group counseling after, based on the twelve-step program, dinner is at seven in the evening, after which there is a movie showing and patients are then free to do what they want after. The food is great, Jesse says, lots of leafy greens and protein, and great, world-famous desserts, which "Safe Haven" has a reputation for. There is a swimming pool, a small gym, a library, an AV room, a serenity room, which Jesse says is a place where people go to for some peace and quiet, and some meditation.

They come to the edge of the woods, which gives way to a lake, and they stand at the edge, looking out at the tranquil lake, the few birds lazily flying up in the sky and the blue sky above. Looking up at the sky, and how blue it is, Beca is suddenly reminded of Chloe's eyes. The sky looks a lot like Chloe's eyes. She smiles to herself, remembering Chloe. It doesn't escape her that her heart somehow flutters slightly at the mere thought of Chloe's blue eyes, gazing into her own dark brown ones.

"And how are you finding it here?" Beca asks now, looking at Jesse from the corner of her eye.

Jesse looks at the lake for a while, before he looks at her and with a mock serious face, before he says, in a small voice, "Help me, I'm being kept here against my will."

Beca stops, stares up at him, confused, and Jesse's face looks impassive, expressionless, before he throws his head back and laughs.

Beca makes a face and makes to punch Jesse's shoulder, but Jesse avoids her just in time, making Beca almost lose her balance and Jesse catches her in time, and he says, "Hey, easy with the tiny fists, Beca. You promised no hitting. I am so going to tell."

Beca laughs before she rolls her eyes. "Whatever, Jesse."

They stand there, looking at each other, as Jesse lets go of Beca and Beca steps back, unsure of what to do or say. For a few awkward moments, they do not say anything. Jesse looks around and spots a large, dead tree trunk lying on the ground and sits down on it, looking out at the lake. Beca follows suit, sitting silently beside him. There is a silence that passes between them for a few moments.

Beca decides to skip the preliminaries and goes for the obvious.

"The only thing I want to know, Jesse, is why," Beca asks now. "Why Jesse? What happened? Why keep it from me?" Beca tries to make her tone neutral but she cannot really resist the hurt that escapes her tone as she struggles not to choke up.

Jesse is silent as he stares out at the lake. He is silent for so long Beca doesn't know if he's fallen asleep with eyes wide open, fallen catatonic or has decided the question doesn't merit an answer, so when he finally speaks up, it surprises Beca.

"It was just a lot of things, Beca," Jesse says softly, tiredly, in a resigned, almost defeated tone. "I mean…I was working crazy hours. At first I took some to stay awake for those late night shoots I do. But then I realize I needed to take some to let me sleep because I'd be on a high from work and would take me hours to get some sleep. And then sometimes, I'd hear some asshole dissing my performance or my face or whatever and I just couldn't deal with that, it would send me into a deep funk for days afterwards. The pills and the alcohol helped. But the thing was, I kind of started using more and more of the stuff, even when I didn't need to, just to get through the day. " He looks at Beca now. "The more I drank, the more I felt better, the more I felt good with myself, the more I think I can get through anything. I liked myself when I was drunk. I was fun, I was happy, I was the little kid who got the surprise X-Box and Play Station and Guitar Hero and Rock Band gift for Christmas."

Beca nods now, feeling a bit afraid. Because clearly, Jesse has more to say and she's not sure she wants to know the rest of it.

Jesse sighs now. "And there was just so much pressure to look good. I mean, since I've started acting, I've been on a diet for, like the past ten years, so I've basically been hungry for a decade. Sometimes, I'd look at photos of myself and stuff that I hardly recognize myself. And I think to myself, this isn't me. This isn't me at all. I mean, have you seen a photo of me lately, Beca? That's not me at all. I've got stuff skimmed off of my face, my arms, my neck, lines erased from my neck and chest and chin and _face_ , and I've got white teeth and brighter eyes and crap, Beca, that wasn't me at all. Sometimes, I think being an actor is the most humiliating thing in the world. People cut your hair and pluck your brows and wax you and do these other stuff to you to make you something you're not. And I don't know, I'd had this particularly bad day during taping and one of the main actors was late and high and throwing a tantrum and we were waiting around the whole day for the shoot to start and there were fans outside hanging out outside and whenever they'd catch a glimpse of me or any of the others, they'd call us by our character names, and how fans, other people, can't seem to separate me from what I do, and I had this long discussion with myself about who I am _other_ than what I do and I wondered, if my job ended tomorrow, who would I be and I couldn't answer any of the stuff I brought up and it struck me how wildly unhappy I was."

He looks at Beca now. "And then the counselor was asking me who I was, like who I really was, in three words or less, and all I could think of was 'I'm an actor, I'm a singer, I'm an artist' and I hadn't realized it until the counselor pointed it out to me that I've defined myself based on my work. I'm nothing outside it. I don't have relationships. I have a freaking job, Beca. I _am_ my job."

Beca listens to him as he says these things, as if she isn't there at all, and then he looks up at her, stares at her for a long time, before he asks her, "I mean, Beca, if you were asked who you were, what would you say?"

There is a silence as Beca lifts her shoulders, holds it there, and shrugs, lifting her hands in surrender and confusion. She shakes her head, not knowing what to say.

"And then I heard the show was being cancelled and…."

"What? I thought it was going to be renewed for a couple of seasons at least," Beca says now.

"We thought so too," Jesse says. "Turns out it wasn't. They're cancelling the show."

"And how do you feel about that?"

"Well, I guess it's good. I mean I've been meaning to try out other stuff, branch out, do more movies…it's been hard to make the leap from television shows to movies…"

Beca looks at Jesse now. "Jesse, I'm not TMZ or E! or whatever, you can totally be honest with me."

"Well, what do you think I feel? I'm freaking terrified, Beca. I don't know what I'm going to do," Jesse says. "I don't want to be one of those people who starts doing dancing shows or reality shows or whatever, because that's just…that's where you go when your career is going nowhere fast." Jesse stops, not knowing how to go on, before he says, "And I know I should have said something and that I shouldn't have kept it from you and I meant to, I really did, but I just kept putting it off until I got in too deep and it was too late to get out and here we are…"

Jesse looks at ground now, studying ants and other bugs crawling around on the ground for a few moments, before he takes a deep breath and says, softly, "Beca, the thing was…it hadn't been okay between us since…the operation…"

Jesse says this now with a bit of embarrassment in his voice. Beca knows what he is talking about. A few years ago, he'd found a lump in one of his gonads. He hadn't told Beca yet until he was sure, but after getting a second and a third opinion, it had been confirmed that there was a lump in his nether region. He'd undergone the operation after, and though it had turned out to be benign, their life hadn't been the same after. The experience had Jesse thinking about his own mortality and how precious life is, and so he'd started to actively campaign for them to have kids, but Beca hadn't been interested and had turned him down again and again and that had affected their relationship even more. Their physical relationship had suffered, too and they hadn't actually been intimate for years now. It hadn't been the same for both of them. Jesse couldn't get used to a missing appendage and it had felt emasculating and he just started to work longer hours, and opted to get projects that would take him out of state or out of the country. Beca had also begun to take on more DJ-ing gigs out of state and had accepted the occasional gig in London. The back-and-forth trips though were taking its toll on Beca and she had been feeling burned out, and that was the reason she hadn't been feeling like working lately.

When Beca starts to speak, Jesse holds up his hand and says, "No, it's okay, I'm over it now. I mean, I can deal with it now, but you have to understand why I'm bringing this up now."

Beca nods as Jesse takes a deep breath. "For the longest time, Beca, I think I've been kind of just…doing what I thought was best for both of us. I've always kind of pursued you, and I've always decided on stuff. I mean, you always defer to me, but I've never asked you before what you really wanted…"

When Beca starts to speak, Jesse holds up his hand to stop her from speaking. "Beca, please, listen," he says. "The first time I met you, I fell for you, right off the bat. Everything about you was perfect. And I just couldn't get you out of my head. And when you sang that song to me, during Nationals and kissed me after, I knew I was the happiest, luckiest man on earth." Then he looks at Beca now. "But I never doubted for a moment that when you met the right person for you, you'd leave me like a shot."

"Jesse…" Beca says, shaking her head. "That's not true."

"Listen, it's cool," Jesse says now, smiling sadly at her. "I'd had to live with that for the longest time. I know you loved me, in your own way, but it just wasn't in the kind of way I would have wanted you to love me…I mean, I want the passion, Beca. I want the romance. I want some girl who can't wait to see me and rip my clothes off. Sometimes, I feel like you just…settled, you know? And it felt like you married me because that seemed like the right thing to do, the logical thing to do, the noble thing to do, like you were obligated to do so out of respect for me. And when I got sick, I think you stayed out of an even deeper obligation. You were the wife standing by her man, and while I appreciate that unlike other women who would have left me just when I needed them the most, you stayed and I will always be grateful for that. But I can't live anymore with the idea that you're just staying with me just because it's what's expected of you."

"And I guess…I guess what was tough about this was I knew for the longest time that I'd eventually lose you, that maybe I'm not the right one for you," Jesse says, sadly. "And that's been slowly killing us both, you know? It just…it took me so long to realize it, and even longer to do something about it. I guess I let it go on too long. I didn't want to hurt you. I was afraid I'd hurt you. But I think we were hurting each other anyway, by keeping each other from the happiness we both deserved."

When Beca starts to speak, Jesse adds, "And I think you weren't happy with me."

"I was happy… _am_ happy with you," Beca says, quickly correcting herself at the last minute.

"No, you're not," Jesse says with a sad smile on his face. "I mean, when was the last time you did a new mix? I mean, god, Beca, you kind of just hang out at home in your sweat suit twenty four seven…"

"That is so not true," Beca says.

"Yes it is," Jesse insists now. "Yes it is," Jesse says softly now. "I couldn't just… _drown_ with you anymore, Beca. Do you know how hard it is to be in love with someone who's been drowning the past few years and doesn't even know it?" Jesse sighs now. "I tried everything, Beca. I worked out, I kept myself fuzz free, I stayed healthy, I kept myself attractive and interesting, I even went to those workshops that teach you how to please your woman, and I read Cosmo for crying out loud. None of it worked. _None_. You'd look at me, and you didn't see me, Beca. Not really." Jesse sighs now. "Everything just came so easily for you. Music, singing? That came easily for you. It didn't for me. I'm not a good enough composer, Beca. And I'm okay with that. I tried, I tried to get a gig scoring movies, but as I sat there, trying to do my thing, I realized I couldn't. But you, you have so much potential Beca and you were just _squandering_ it."

Jesse now looks at Beca steadily, sadly, not breaking eye contact, eyes pooling with unshed tears, as he smiles.

"Think of this as me dishing some tough love," Jesse says now. "I think we both deserve to be happy, you know? And if you can't be happy with me, then I have to let you go, I have to get out of the way. Because that's what love is all about."

She looks at him now and says, "Yeah, you did shave your balls for me once, didn't you?"

Jesse looks at her now, confused, before he says, "Dude, _that_ is true love."

Beca makes a face now. " _Gross_."

As Jesse starts to laugh, Beca steps forward and fixes the collar of his short-sleeved LaCoste shirt before she says, "Never listen to Donald and Benji ever again."

Jesse smiles sheepishly. "Yeah, I shouldn't, really. _Nerds_."

It is Beca's turn to laugh. They look at each other now, wordlessly looking at each other, an understanding passing through them. Both nod and smile.

Jesse resumes walking and Beca follows. There is a companionable silence that is shared between them, in which neither needs to speak.

Beca looks at him now, feeling the affection surging for this man who had been her one time boyfriend, one time husband, and best friend, who had made the courageous decision that she couldn't do herself. He was right, of course. He was right about all of it. And her feelings of anger, hurt, betrayal, had more to do with her ego being hurt, rather than feeling wounded or pained by Jesse asking for a divorce from her. If truth be told, deep down, she had felt relieved that Jesse had the courage to ask for divorce, because she was never going to do it. She hadn't wanted to hurt Jesse. She hadn't wanted to see the very same pain she is seeing now in Jesse's eyes, the very same pain she had been causing him because their relationship had been stagnant for years now. She realizes now she had hurt Jesse anyway. She couldn't face the fact that she didn't love him anymore, or maybe didn't love him in the way she was supposed to love him, in the way romantic movies indicated they were supposed to love each other. He was right of course, the romance, if ever there was one, had fizzled out years ago and they had stayed with each other out of a sense of duty, a sense of loyalty and obligation to each other, more than anything else. She couldn't even begin to fathom what he had gone through, having to come to a decision like this, having to admit the relationship wasn't working, having to admit that the addictions he'd developed over the years had something to do with his unhappiness in their marriage, in how he had been living his life.

After a time, Beca says, "Jennifer seems nice."

Jesse smiles. "Yes, she is. But she's just a good friend. Nothing's going on between us." When Beca only looks at him. "I'm serious. Nothing was going on between us. And I didn't ask for a divorce from you because of her. It was way deeper than that."

Beca nods. "I'd like to meet her some time."

Jesse stops. "You mean that?"

Beca purses her lips and rolls her eyes. "Yeah, whatever. I mean, somebody else has to be listed as your next of kin. It can't be me."

Jesse only laughs. "We can totally be like Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, you know? The best of ex-es going out on double dates and stuff and…"

"Dude, _no_ ," Beca says. "That would be just too…surreal…"

Jesse stops now and looks at Beca. "But we can still be friends, yes? Because, no matter what happens, Beca, I will always love you. It's not just in the way we both probably knew when we were in college, but it's still love nonetheless."

Beca looks at him, uncertain, but Jesse has this boyish, hopeful, look on his face that makes Beca say, "Fine, we can still be friends."

Jesse grins. "Awesome. I can't have aca-children with you, but we can be aca-best friends, I can live with that."

Beca only grins and they resume walking.

"So, what about you? Are you seeing anybody?" Jesse asks casually now.

Beca shakes her head. "No."

"Beca, you've got to go out more," Jesse says now. "I mean, if the last time you've had any was with me, I think that's a pretty long time to go without sex."

Beca grimaces. "You are grossing me out right now. I'm starting to rethink this 'Let's-be-friends' thing we have."

Jesse chuckles. "What? It's a legitimate concern, Beca. You don't want to wake up one day with a dusty old uterus down there."

"Ass," Beca says now.

Jesse, unfazed, says, "I mean, have you at least been pleasuring yourself?"

Beca looks at him, blushes and says, "That is a cheap question and I won't answer it."

Jesse stops now, throws back his head and roars with laughter. As Beca just stares at him, perplexed, he continues to laugh.

"Jesse, you're scaring the little woodland creatures with your braying," Beca says. "And you are such an asshole. Ugh."

"You should at least promise to go out with some friends of mine," Jesse says now, as he puts his arm around her and leads her back to the center.

"Only if you promise me that they're going to _not_ be like you."

Jesse only laughs. "I'll try my best."

"I still love you, you know," Beca says now .

Jesse smiles. "Yeah, in a depressingly asexual way."

Beca laughs. "That's true."

"I mean, dude, I could do a dance with a lettuce leaf and you wouldn't have noticed a thing," Jesse says. "You know what that does to a man's ego?"

Beca smiles apologetically. "Sorry."

They stand in silence again, before Beca says, softly, concerned, "What are you going to do now?" When Jesse raises his eyebrows, in question, Beca says, "I mean, about work. Are you quitting acting or something?"

Jesse shrugs. "No, I don't think so. I mean, I hate it, but I kind of love it, too. I kind of enjoy it. The other day, my agent calls me telling me about this new singing slash reality show tentatively called 'The Sing Your Face Off' where actors and singers impersonate actual singers, with full make-up and wardrobe, and mimic vocal styles, choreography and persona during the competition. And I'm going to be up there with former soap stars and…you know…Jon Lovitz."

The two are silent before Beca says, "So do I need to prepare myself to see you in leotards singing Rihanna's 'Umbrella' or you know wearing Lady Gaga's ridiculous outfits and singing 'Pokerface'?"

Jesse laughs before he shrugs. "There's this audition that my agent is asking me to try out for but…I'm not sure."

"What's it about?"

"Um…you'll laugh, but it's actually for a lead in a television show, a superhero one, you know how Hollywood loves those," Jesse says now.

"Wow, that's cool." Beca tries to keep a straight face, before she smirks and says, "So, do I get to see you in tight, tight pants, shirtless and stuff?"

Jesse blushes. "They're asking me to play the 'Green Hornet'."

Beca makes a face. "Green Hornet? Wasn't the remake a black hole of suck?"

Jesse smiles. "Yeah, but this is going to back to its roots, it's going to be a television show again and stuff," he explains. "They're asking me to bulk up and work out, learn some jujitsu or whatever. I mean I haven't got the part yet, I still need to audition and stuff, but my agent said I have the anti-Seth Rogen look they're looking for. But it kind of freaked me out like, what if I get the part? I think my life's going to change, big time. I don't know if it's going to be a hit but they're getting the best directors and the best writers for it and…"

"I think you're going to be fine," Beca says now, smiling. "I, for one, would like to see you in a mask and a suit, pretending to fight and overacting your ass out."

Jesse smiles and shakes his head.

They spend the rest of what is left of the session just having idle conversation. Now that everything is out in the open, there is a freedom, a comfortableness between them, an ease with which they can talk to each other.

Jesse and Beca part both with smiles on their faces, looking like a heavy load, a load that's been on them for the past few years, has been lifted off their shoulders.

As Beca backs out of the parking lot, Jesse watches her and waves from the side of the building, nodding and smiling at her.

It takes a few more sessions for them to talk about Jesse's issues. In all the sessions, Jesse makes it clear that his relationship hadn't been the sole cause of his stress and anxiety, but that he does appreciate Beca going out of her way to visit him.

The last time she comes to visit him, right before he is released, he texts her when she gets home, and the text is from Rainer Maria Rilke, a poet that Jesse likes. The text reads, "It is not inertia alone that is responsible for human relationships repeating themselves from case to case, indescribably monotonous and unrenewed: it is shyness before any sort of new, unforeseeable experience with which one does not think oneself able to cope. But only someone who is ready for everything, who excludes nothing, not even the most enigmatical will live the relation to another as something alive."

When Beca reads this, she smiles. She understands what Jesse is saying. She thinks maybe Jesse is right. She thinks maybe she and Jesse will be fine after all.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

And so with that, Jesse suddenly was back in her life.

She hadn't realized how much she'd missed Jesse until they started hanging out again.

* * *

It starts with innocuous phonecalls.

Jesse would call her with the words, "Hey, Beca, sorry to bother you, but you weren't answering my texts so…"

"So the logical thing to do was call me? What if I was sleeping or busy or something?"

"Beca, we both know, you don't actually have a love life or a social life, or any life for that matter, so it's not like I'm actually disrupting some potential Grammy-winning turning point in your life," Jesse points out now.

"You are such an asshole," Beca says now.

"Whatever, dude," Jesse dismisses it now, before asking, "Have you read the script by any chance?"

Beca nods. "Yeah, I have."

"Well, what do you think about it?" Jesse casually asks now.

Beca shrugs as she says, "Um, I guess it's gripping…? It's not Henry James, or Jane Austen…but it's good."

"Listen, can I call you tomorrow? I'm kind of in the middle of something, so…"

"Oh, my god, Beca, are you getting laid with somebody right now?" Jesse asks. "If so, I am so sorry."

"I am not," Beca would say, indignantly, wishing that were true and suddenly thinking of Chloe. She feels herself blush. "Shut up, you are such an asshole, good night," Beca says in embarassment.

Next time he calls her, she says, "Hey dork, don't you have a life? Stop calling your ex-wife or you'll never get laid!"

Jesse laughs. "Seriously, dude, what do you think? Should I accept it? I mean, that stuff you told me earlier, that's what you always say. That's exactly what you said about the Green Hornet script, too."

"You _asked_ _to_ me to take a look at it," Beca points out now, rolling her eyes as she does so. "I mean, it's a remake of 'Soylent Green', Jesse. You're going to play Charlton Heston's role, those are pretty big shoes to fill. Are you up for it?"

"And I don't know. I'm not sure," Jesse says now."Anyway, so, you think I should accept it?"

Beca shrugs again. "Dude, I seriously have got to go, but if it's what you want, if it makes you happy, go for it."

Jesse considers this for a moment. "Fair point."

"Yeah, listen, we'll talk soon, yeah? I'll call you," Beca says into the phone now.

"Okay," Jesse says. "And Beca?"

"Yeah?" Beca says, looking at Chloe.

"Thanks."

"Yeah, you're welcome," Beca says.

* * *

And just as easily but more slowly, Chloe is back in Beca's life, too.

* * *

Beca starts to actively seek out Chloe's profile on social networking sites where they are both connected, on facebook, on instagram, on twitter. She sometimes spends hours just browsing through photos Chloe has posted online, and she keeps coming back to those photos Chloe has of herself in Africa and India, finding herself staring at the photos, liking them, downloading them, and looking at them sometimes, when she is doing a mix or just feeling like she needs inspiration. She leaves comments on Chloe's online photo albums, essentially liking the photos and expressing admiration for Chloe's adventurous and Chloe replies with a smiley face, thanking her for her comments.

Then Chloe starts leaving messages, emails and texts for Beca, short ones that just ask how Beca is, what she is doing, sometimes, asking and reminding Beca if she's eaten her meals yet, gently reminding her to grab a bite to eat or cut down on the Red Bulls. Beca doesn't know why, but these short messages she receives from Chloe makes her heart skip a beat. And then after that, she starts to look forward to these messages, messages received in the morning, after she wakes up, lunch, dinner and just before she goes to sleep.

Beca, for her part, starts to leave comments on Chloe's status updates. Chloe has a habit of posting quotes, and Beca finds the quotes alternately amusing and uplifting, strangely enough, quotes from poems such as "Invictus" ("I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul"), "Love is friendship caught on fire" (a quote from Bruce Lee that Beca recognizes only because Jesse and Benji had had a Bruce Lee phase) and Dale Carnegie quotes such as "Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get", "Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success" and a Steve Jobs one about loving what you do in order to do great work.

At first, Beca puts "likes" on Chloe's status update quotes, but then Chloe posts the Rainer Maria Rilke quote, and it stops Beca in her tracks. The words seem to burn, to etch themselves into her mind's eye, and she remembers Jesse and what they talked about, and she's never been one for destiny and fate and connecting the dots and whether a quote that her ex-husband and now best friend now crops up on a person that she kind of, well, likes, although she is wont to go deeper into what exactly liking Chloe Beale means, but this quote strikes her as odd, and it leaps out of her laptop screen, jolting her, provoking her, making her stop and think and stare at the quote, then Chloe's pretty profile picture, for moments at a time. She doesn't know what to say, so she just likes the quote, and then later, she goes online to look for anything by Rainer Maria Rilke, and she finds a book of poetry and a small, thin volume called "Letters to a Young Poet" which she reads all night and which makes her even more or less confused, but she feels like there is supposed to be something she is supposed to know, to realize, to come to terms with, but she doesn't know what it is, or how to do it.

* * *

One of the things she realizes though is that, much to her horror, she really doesn't have regular friends she talks to these days, that the only time she actually sees anyone is when there's a major life event in her other friends' lives, such as weddings, baby showers and christenings, award shows and premieres, which she rarely goes to, except for lately, she's been feeling a bit nostalgic for the simpler days of just mixing music for the hell of it and competing in musical competitions when she was in college, and so she'd made an effort to go to Justin and Jessica's wedding. Cynthia Rose and Denise had sent her their wedding invite already, quite early, she thinks, since the wedding is at least not for another six months or so, but when she sees the venue, and that it is in Hawaii, she realizes why. Everyone would have to move heaven and earth to clear their schedules to attend the wedding. What she realizes mostly is that she misses friends, and that, oddly enough, she misses Chloe most of all, misses talking to her.

When Jesse had asked her how she would answer a question such as "Who are you outside your work?" Beca realizes that she would have had the same answer as Jesse, that she would have probably answered that she is a DJ, maybe a musician, an artiste, nothing more, that much like Jesse, her relationships are defined by her job, not her personal relationships, that she is _her_ job. And the one thing that had left a deep impression on her was a broken, defeated Jesse confessing his depression to her, in the woods, right after he's admitted an addiction to pills and alcohol to cope with the stress of a marriage on the rocks and a job that has increasingly gotten more and more stressful as the years had gone by. She had felt guilty, had felt responsible for Jesse's slow descent into addiction and depression. At one point, Jesse had described her as shut down emotionally, and though Beca had balked at his description of her, and had walked out and refused to talk to him for days, it had made Beca think about it and wonder about whether she really is emotionally shut down and incapable of forming meaningful relationships like Jesse had claimed. The thing is, Beca had always been a loner, the outsider always looking in, the one who never fit anywhere, the one who never belonged. It had been born out of being a child of a divorce gone awry, of being the receiving end of a bitter custody battle, of shuttling from one part of the country to the next, and she'd spent most of her childhood and teenage years being full of rage and bitterness. And lonely. Mostly lonely. What she remembers most is the loneliness. The aloneness. Maybe she'd stayed with Jesse because at first he helped with the loneliness, the predictability, but she felt that she was still as lonely as when she was alone. She sometimes wonders nowadays, if they ever actually stayed together out of obligation and a sense of it being the right thing to do, if she ever really did love Jesse, because if she didn't, then it was a devastating truth that she had never really been truly in love, had never really known what it was like to love someone, and that, she knows, is probably the saddest thing ever. Sometimes though, she thinks love is overrated, that really, love is just some capitalist idea the upper class shove down the poorer classes throat, like a cheap trick they sell to give the illusion that life is worth living for.

She had been in the middle of one of these introspective things when Jesse calls her to ask her how she is and when she had been evasive, Jesse had suggested that she go to a counselor herself, if she wanted someone to talk to, since she didn't have friends outside Jesse. Beca had been angry, then horrified, then upset, at Jesse's suggestion, but after much thinking she _does_ go to a counselor but finds their sessions a pointless waste of her time and resources and so she cuts the sessions short.

However, she does go out of her way to keep in touch with friends, and mostly Chloe.

From the likes and comments on facebook, and the quotes, Chloe and Beca start calling each other.

It starts innocuous enough. Chloe had posted a cryptic message about work that Beca posts a question mark to. Chloe had a replied with a smiley face that Beca replies, "Hope you're okay."

Before Beca knows it, Chloe is online, video calling her, telling her about her day at work, how exhausting it is, how the people that she had fired had cried, shouted, threatened, begged, blabbered on and on about having husbands or wives or kids or mortgage and car payments, or having to put kids through school or having health problems and how could Miss Beale just sit there looking all fresh and detached, knowing that she has just destroyed their life. In fact, Chloe says, she had been encountering these kinds of problems with people in her line of work more and more these days.

"I hate my job sometimes," Chloe had grumbled.

"Join the club," Beca had said with a smile. That makes Chloe smile as well. Beca had been surfing online, but then she sees something online, and she says, "Oh, but if you really hate your job, you can check this out. One, write down your twenty main pleasures in life, two, write down ten ways to make money from your pleasures and three, explore one of these ways, trying it out, if you can, in reality."

They had spent the rest of the night writing down things that they both liked. They obviously both like music, books, movies and television shows, something they already know from having shared an apartment together at Barden, a little detail both are wont to bring up or even discuss, skirting the issue of why Chloe had left in the first place.

While they discuss these things, Chloe says, "I also like sex" which makes Beca blush and almost choke on the Red Bull she is drinking and "I also like movie and television show soundtracks" and Beca doesn't know it, but she laughs and shakes her head and says, "Of course you do", which makes Chloe confused, making her ask what Beca is laughing at, but Beca refuses to explain. They try to figure out how to make money from their pleasures, and how to explore ways on how to pursue their interests. The talk and many of the other talks that they have later, take them the whole night to do so and neither one realizes that it is already dawn until Beca glances at her window and she sees light out.

But it is not the only instance when they actually spend the whole night discussing. After a while, Chloe would tell her where she was - Portland, Atlanta, Minneapolis, Detroit, Dallas, D.C., Seattle, San Francisco. After a while, Beca starts to look forward to these calls, too, and when there are days in which Chloe doesn't call her, Beca actually starts to freak out, wondering where Chloe is, wondering whether she's stuck in an airport or hotel or something in the middle of nowhere. And the anxiety builds and builds as Beca sits beside the phone, or does her mixes on her laptop, or works at the various clubs she works in, but Chloe always calls, right before Beca sleeps, or right after Beca wakes up, or sometimes in the middle of the night, just chatting with Beca. Beca is always relieved when Chloe calls her. She knows at least that Chloe is safe. She finds that she worries more about Chloe than she really should.

They call and text whenever they can. Once, unable to sleep, she calls Chloe. She had made a mistake with the time difference between L.A. and New York, so much so that she had woken Chloe up because it was late evening in L.A. but it was early morning in New York and Chloe had been sleeping in a random hotel room after a long day consulting with a company and its employees and a lecture at the hotel's conference room after but Chloe had been very game about it.

They chat with each other and Chloe tells her about her aca-awesome view of the New York City skyline from her hotel room and she ends up showing Beca through a video conference call, her view from her hotel room.

Beca whistles. "Wow, that _is_ awesome."

"Yeah, it's pretty aca-awesome!" Chloe says now.

"Chloe, not that I don't like all this aca-stuff you like to do, but can you use other words instead of aca-awesome?" Beca asks now.

"What, like aca-excellent?"

"Or aca-brilliant," Beca says now. "Or maybe aca- amazing, aca-fantastic, aca-marvelous, aca-cool…or…"

"Or aca-swell? Aca-groovy? Aca-far out?" Chloe asks hopefully.

Beca laughs now. "Seriously, Chloe, get some more up-to-date expressions."

Chloe chuckles. "Whatever." She is about to say something, but then her mobile phone rings, and she holds up her hand, smiles apologetically at Beca and answers the phone. "Oh, hey, gran."

While Beca waits for the conversation to end, she leans back and starts to idly surf the internet for nothing in particular. When the conversation ends, Chloe moves to the camera again, and says, "Sorry about that. It's my gran. She wants to go to L.A. and she wants me to show her around or something. So we're coordinating our schedules. She lives in Hawaii. She doesn't like L.A. but she wants to see the place."

Beca starts to ask Chloe about her grandmother, and Chloe is surprised, then delighted, that Beca is interested, so she tells Beca about her grandmother's name, Virginia Jones, and how she had lived a very Bohemian life, and had joined a commune and a nudist colony back in the 1960s, and had made her mom read Marx and Lenin and Trotsky and a lot of Zen books and so on before it was fashionable and acceptable. Mrs. Jones had also joined the Civil Rights movement, had joined rallies for the Women's' Movement, had supported Stonewall, had even joined one or two protests against Wall Street.

Chloe mentions that her grandmother has been having difficulties with her reservations at a hotel and Beca finds herself offering her guest room for Chloe and her grandmother. They argue at first about it, but Chloe eventually agrees, on the condition that they only stay for the night and spend the next day in a hotel.

Sometimes, they just call each other to talk about random stuff. One time, Beca calls her to complain about the dates that Jesse has fixed her up with. There's the guy who describes himself as a "self-defacing guy", another guy who claims he is a "fruitarian" and believes "fruits have feelings", claiming that the carrot in the salad they had ordered had been murdered. He insisted on only eating things that have, in fact, fallen from a tree and demanded that he be served a "transcendent hamburger". The problem was that the restaurant did not serve transcendent hamburgers, nor did the actual burger exist. Another guy had said he believes in alien unicorns and still another liked playing with himself. After the last date, Beca swore she would never go on a date with anyone ever again. They had quite a good laugh about it.

Once, Beca reads Chloe's update, something about papers and stories and beating deadlines and the next time she calls Chloe, she asks what papers Chloe is working on.

"Is there some annual H.R. conference where all the consultants go to to discuss the proper ways in which to hire and fire employees without getting death threats?" Beca asks now, interested.

Chloe laughs. "Well, there are actually actual H.R. conferences where people do discuss stuff like that."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. We also discuss new software and apps we can use to help us with our work, such as risk analysis and efficiency apps and employee performance evaluation apps and stuff like that," Chloe says now.

"Sounds really boring."

Chloe smiles into the screen. "Well, it's definitely something. But the paper isn't for work."

"No?" Beca asks now, looking interested as she leans over to peer at Chloe over at the screen.

"No," Chloe confirms. "It's actually for…" here Chloe hesitates, smiling sheepishly before she looks at Beca with her blue, blue eyes and says, "Promise you won't laugh…"

Beca grins. "I promise."

Chloe nods. "It's for…class actually." When Beca raises her eyebrows in question, Chloe pauses and says, "It's… for this online course I'm taking."

Beca is silent, waiting for Chloe to go on. But when Chloe refuses to add more information, Beca says, impatiently, "Well, come on, out with it, what kind of course is it?"

"Well, I'm studying for a degree in teaching," Chloe says, a little shyly.

Beca smiles. "Wow, that sounds awesome."

"Thanks," Chloe says with a smile, looking relieved.

They are silent for a few seconds, before Beca remembers something. "You said you were writing something. What are you writing?"

Chloe doesn't tell her what she is writing about.

It makes Beca even more curious. It makes them talk even more frequently.

Late at the night, Chloe and Beca would find themselves talking online.

Beca says, "So, teaching huh?"

Chloe , shrugs, thinks about it for a few moments, before she answers, "Yeah. I think I'd like to teach kids or something. I like kids."

Beca nods and says, "Cool. Funnily enough, I think you'd be perfect for teaching."

"Really?" Chloe asks.

"Yeah, I think you'd totally make some kind of valuable contribution to kids," Beca says.

"Thanks." Chloe smiles. "You like kids?"

"No, not really."

Chloe stares her, mock pouts, jokingly saying, "Aaww, that is like, so sad. But I want kids, honey…"

Beca looks at her, confused, not knowing what to say, before Chloe bursts out laughing and says, "Just kidding."

Beca only rolls her eyes and says, "You said you were writing something? Like a story?"

Chloe nods and grins, before she says, "Yes, and I'm never going to tell."

"Chloe," Beca whines. "No fair. Come on, tell me."

"Oh, you'll _really_ laugh," Chloe says now.

Beca grins. "I promise I won't." When Chloe only shakes her head and puts her hands to her face, Beca grins even more, finding the gesture so very Chloe and so adorable at the same time. "Oh, my god, Chloe. Are you writing fan fiction or something? Are you writing fan fiction for 'Fifty Shades of Grey'?"

Chloe only mock glares at Beca and says, "I hate you" as Beca starts to laugh, before Chloe says, mock offended, "And no, I am not writing fan fiction for 'Fifty Shades of Grey'."

Beca holds up her hands in mock surrender and says, "Okay, okay. Well, what are you writing then?"

It takes a few moments of Beca pestering Chloe about what she is writing before Chloe sighs and says, "Alright, alright, it's…" Chloe hesitates before she says, "I'm writing a story."

Beca knits her eyebrows and frowns in confusion. "A story?"

"Yeah, I know, I know, it's lame," Chloe says now, covering her face with her hands again. "I mean, god, what was I thinking, right? It's so stupid and ridiculous and I know you're going to make fun of me for doing so, but I'm not planning to get it published or anything and it's just for me, okay? It makes me happy and it's a really great way to let off steam and…"

Beca cuts her off mid-sentence. "What's it about?"

"Well, it's a children's story actually," Chloe mumbles now. When Beca asks her to speak louder, she repeats the sentence, a bit shyly. "I thought you were going to say it was lame. But I enjoy it, so."

"Dude, my dad thinks being a DJ is lame," Beca says now. "But, hey, prose before bros, right?"

Chloe laughs and nods.

"So what's the title of your story?"

"The Day After Yesterday."

Beca, stops, thinking about this, before she says, "You mean, today."

Chloe says, "Um, yeah."

Beca says, "Cool. You could have like a sequel to your book. It could be like, 'The Day After Today', which is like tomorrow and 'The Day Before Today' which is yesterday."

Chloe stares at her, pouting. "Now you're just making fun of me."

Beca chuckles. "A little bit."

"I hate you."

"You love me," Beca says now, jokingly.

Chloe raises her eyebrows in mock resignation. "I…" She stops, sighs and says, "Yeah, I actually do. Damn it, Beca. It's those ear monstrosities, and all that eyeliner. It's such a turn on."

Beca rolls her eyes. "Whatever. I'd love to read your story."

"For serious?"

"Yeah," Beca says, settling back on her chair.

Chloe considers this for a moment, before she smiles and says, "Okay, but only on one condition."

"What's that?"

"You have to show me what mix you're working on, too. It seems only fair."

After much arguing, Beca acquiesces to send Chloe the new mix she has been working on. "Alright, maybe later, I'll show you. It's nowhere near finished, but I promise, when I'm done you'll be the first to hear it."

Chloe nods and grins and starts to yawn and she says, "Okay. I guess we can call it a night now. Good night, Beca."

* * *

It becomes a routine for them.

When Chloe doesn't call or text her, Beca falls into a slight depression, which she doesn't understand at first. She had felt a deep depression when she was going through the divorce with Jesse, but she finds that as the days went by, it got easier and easier to accept. She wonders at first if the depression is a residual feeling left over from her separation and divorce from Jesse, but she realizes that it is not. Jesse had been right, her relationship with him, their marriage, had run its course, and once she got over the ego-bruising a divorce inevitably made anyone feel and once she'd done a few therapy sessions, the moving on from the divorce wasn't actually as hard as she thought it would be. Mostly it was trying to get used to not being married or attached to the same person for so long, although given that her relationship with Jesse had quickly turned into a friendship, the transition had helped with the loss and void a divorce had created. What she realizes is that whatever she was feeling is completely separate from and very distinct from what she had felt before, and in fact, seemed to be largely connected to a certain red-haired person who had suddenly stopped texting or calling her for a few weeks, which, for Beca, would be years. Left alone in her suddenly empty house, with only herself for company, with no friends or ex-es or a certain person with whom she'd always had an ambiguous friendship with and ambivalent feelings for, she feels this sudden, incredible loneliness, this aloneness, a feeling so powerful that sometimes it would make her eyes well with tears. Sometimes she would stand in the middle of her house, in her living room, and imagine Chloe sitting cross-legged on her living room floor, or imagine Chloe on her bed, or sitting by her kitchen table, and it makes Beca feel even worse. It's an inexplicable, indescribable feeling that takes all of Beca's strength not to fly to New York to tell Chloe things that she would find herself embarrassed admitting.

The thing is, she feels like kicking herself again. Chloe had done the exact same thing when they were roommates at Barden, except at the time, the lines weren't so clear-cut, things were even more ambiguous and ambivalent than they were now, and so Beca feels even more devastated now. She feels abandoned, feels like the child nobody wanted after the divorce, largely ignored or taken for granted, feels like the wife the husband no longer wanted, feels, for all intents and purposes, unloved and unwanted. See, this is why she didn't _do_ relationships. She had sworn she wouldn't do relationships when she hit Barden, but then Jesse happened, and that person had completely made her believe maybe happy endings are possible after all, but here she is now, feeling pathetic and lost, hoping against all hope that Chloe would call or text or even message her on facebook, and finding herself feeling ridiculous just staring in front of her computer or checking her mobile phone for messages and when she finds nothing, feeling like a stupid school girl, like the world would end, just because Chloe hadn't even bothered to text or call her.

See, that's what Chloe made her feel. Like a damn twelve-year old school girl with some damn school girl crush. Chloe filled her days with thoughts of her, with music and rhythms and melody and song, with visions of red hair and sky and sun and smooth skin and eyes so blue she feels like she could drown in them and not care.

There had been some songs, some music playing in her head, foremost of which is that Chinese chant that she wants to mix with some New Age music and layer in some upbeat club music in between, matching the chords and rhythms and beats. She hasn't mixed new music in a while, and she finds these new ideas bombarding her head now very exciting as her fingers fly on the keys. She hasn't done this kind of mix before, but she wants to see where it will go, and she wants to experiment with music Moby, Prodigy, Chemical Brothers, Fatboy Slim and even Enigma and Enya. It's different from what she usually mixes, but she figures she might as well try something new. She spots a copy of David Guetta's "Titanium" and Bruno Mars' "Just the Way You Are", and finds herself doing a quick mix of the two songs as well.

Mostly Beca and Chloe talk. Online. Over the phone. Whenever they can. They talk about a lot of things, random things, interesting things, things they think the other might like or might be interested in. They are safe topics, safe subjects to discuss. Neither one wants to disturb the happy bubble of happiness they both share, and any subject that would inevitably lead to a discussion of defining what they have now is skillfully avoided, as are other topics - little details that tell Beca she isn't really the Chloe she has known when they were at Barden, and yet she is _still_ every bit the Chloe Beca had known then.

Like Chloe tells her about the Silk Road, the Diwali festival in India, the dogmeat festival she just happened to stumble into when she was in China, the Pride Parade in London. Chloe tells her a few Indian stories and some African stories she's encountered in her travels. Chloe tells her about the great Indian epic, the _Ramayana_. She tells her about Rama, Sita, Hanuman, Lakshmana, Ravana and other characters in the story. She tells Beca the _Ramayana_ is composed of different stories. Chloe tells her about her favorite story, the _"Bala Kanda"_ about the king with the three childless queens. The king is granted a son for each queen after he performs a fire sacrifice. Rama is the firstborn of these children. These sons have been given, to various degrees, with the spirit of the God Vishnu. "Vishnu had opted to be born into mortality in order to fight the demon Ravana, who was oppressing the Gods, and who could only be destroyed by a mortal," Chloe continues. When he turns sixteen, Rama destroys demons with the help of Lakshmana. Chloe tells her about Sita, a woman of unparalleled beauty and charm, and how on the day that she was ready to be married, her father, the king, decided to have a _swayamvara_ , something that included a contest. The king had an massively enormous bow, given to him by the God Shiva. Whoever could hold the bow could marry Sita. When Rama and Lakshmana attend the event, only Rama wields the bow, breaks it and eventually marries Sita. Chloe tells her about the story of the princess Savitri who tried to do everything to save her doomed husband and finally tricks the god of death, who had refused to give her husband back, into granting her a wish: the wish being that she be granted many children, but that the children should be from her husband's seed, so the god, who had made a promise to her, had no choice but to release her husband from the jaws of death and she is reunited with her husband after.

"Is that your favorite story then?" Beca asks her.

Chloe shrugs. "I like a lot of different stories. Stories fascinate me. Stories are poetic, beautiful. Like when I was in India, I met this person who gave me the most succinct explanation for who Vishnu is. She said, Vishnu sleeps on the shore-less cosmic ocean, and we are the stuff of his dreams."

Beca is silent for a few moments, before she says, "Wow, that is beautiful."

Chloe smiles. "Yes, it reminds me of that Australian aborigine story, about how the gods dreamed us all into being and stuff."

Beca grins. "That reminds me of those Neil Gaiman stories where he writes about the world was created with a song. We were sung into being and stuff."

Chloe looks into Beca's eyes. " _That_ is beautiful. And that makes sense. Neil Gaiman has always been awesome author."

Beca tilts her head. "You know Neil Gaiman?"

Chloe rolls her eyes. "Of course I do. You can't be a writer and not know Neil Gaiman and 'Coraline'."

"That story is a bit dark though," Beca says.

Chloe nods. "True. I actually prefer 'Stardust' and 'Neverwhere'."

"I have a soft spot for 'Sandman'," Beca says with a smile. "How about your story. Tell me about, 'The Day After Yesterday'."

Chloe considers this for a moment, hesitates before she says, "It's nowhere near finished, but maybe when it's finished."

"Okay, but you owe me your story," Beca says.

* * *

When her ex-husband appears on her doorstep with food, Beca sighs, steps aside and gestures expansively for Jesse to enter.

"Don't you have somewhere else to go home to?" Beca had asked Jesse then. Jesse had grinned and said, "Yeah, but you have the most comfy couch in all of L.A. and it was the only thing you didn't want to give me, so yeah, we're sharing custody of the couch."

Beca had rolled her eyes as she watches Jesse head for the couch, sit down and make himself comfortable. In a few minutes, he is busy alternately playing computer games and reading scripts, glasses perched on his nose.

Beca knows Jesse is planning to stay a few more hours, at least until it's time for Beca to head out for work, so she only sighs, decides to get her own laptop and start mixing music.

Jesse and Beca are in the living room now, hanging out, Jesse sprawled out on the couch, alternately reading scripts and playing Mass Effect on his laptop, while Beca is sitting cross legged beside him, laptop on her legs, oversized headphones on her head, as she tries to mix songs.

"Wow," Jesse says now, peering from behind her shoulder, with a carrot stick in one hand, one in his mouth as he stares at her laptop. "Look at you go."

His voice startles her and she looks up, not having realized that her ex-husband had gotten up to raid the fridge and bring back something to munch on. He hands her some juice and a plate of cookies. She accepts them and sets them on the table in front of her before she returns to her work. Jesse stares at what she is doing before he jumps back on the couch, carrot in his mouth, as he returns to his laptop as well.

After an hour or so of working in companionable silence, in which Beca decides to take a break, pulling off the headphones from her head and setting the laptop beside her, stretching on the couch as she does so, Jesse looks up, regarding her silently before he returns to his own laptop.

After a few minutes, in which Beca is looking over Jesse's shoulder to watch him play a game of Mass Effect, Jesse speaks up.

"So, uh, I'm auditioning for 'Soylent Green'," Jesse says now.

"Wow, that's great!" Beca says now. "Thought you weren't going through with it. I mean, it's a remake of 'Soylent Green'. I thought playing Charlton Heston's role would freak you out. Plus, Hollywood has never had a good track record when it comes to book-to-movie adaptations and remakes."

"That's true," Jesse says. "But I figure, what the heck, might as well give it a shot. If it bombs, at least I still get a paycheck, and that's always a good thing, right?"

Beca nods.

"Although, you're right, Hollywood book-to-movie adaptations and remakes are usually not as good as you want it to be," Jesse says thoughtfully. "I mean, There was Stephen King's 'Lawnmower Man' and 'The Running Man', H.G. Well's 'The Island of Dr. Moreau', 'The Time Machine' and 'War of the Worlds', Isaac Asimov's 'I, Robot', 'I am Legend', William Gibson's 'Johnny Mnemonic', Neil Gaiman's 'Stardust' and 'Coraline'…"

" _Exactly_ ," Beca says.

"I mean, I don't even know what to make of Val Kilmer and Marlon Brando in 'The Island of Dr. Moreau', 'The Time Machine' was some screwed up incomprehensible crap with Jeremy Irons and Guy Pierce and Tom Cruise was just…"

"Annoying as _fuck?_ " Beca supplies.

"Language, Beca," Jesse says, without missing a beat as Beca rolls her eyes, "…Tom Cruise was just annoying as hell in 'War of the Worlds' and Will Smith ruined 'I, Robot' and what was up with the third act of 'Stardust'? I mean, man, that was just… I can't even…"

Beca looks up at the ceiling. "Do you stay up all night just overanalyzing random shit like that, Jesse?"

Meanwhile, Jesse answers, in all seriousness, "Yes." Then he continues, as if Beca had not interrupted him, "And you forget, all of Philip K. Dick's stories have never been faithfully adapted to the screen, too. 'Bladerunner', 'Adjustment Bureau'…"

"'Total Recall', 'Paycheck', 'Next'," Beca continues. "I don't think they ever get sci-fi or fantasy right."

"Yeah, like the 'Lord of the Rings' movie adaptations," Jesse says. "I mean, yeah, that trilogy is cool, but god, after three movies of Frodo and Sam mooning over each other, I just wanted them to get it on by the time the third movie was out." He stops, thinks for a few moments, before he remembers, "And Superman remakes never get it right!"

"Well, but you also have a soft spot for Christopher Reeve, so that Brandon guy and that guy from 'Immortals' Henry whatsisface never stood a chance," Beca points out. "I have a bigger issue with the Dark Knight series actually."

Jesse rolls his eyes. "Yes, I know, you've made that clear on every single discussion we've ever had on superhero movies."

Beca nods. "See, this is why we divorced."

"We're best friends," Jesse says, with a grin.

"We're _roommates_ ," Beca says.

Then they look at each other for a few seconds and burst out laughing.

"Geek!" Jesse says.

" _Nerd!_ " Beca retorts.

Jesse grins.

They work in silence again for a while, before Beca says, "So, um, what kind of preparation are you doing for 'Soylent Green'? I mean, you find out that the food is people and stuff…"

Jesse grabs a carrot from the container he'd brought from the kitchen, stares at it, and says, "Sometimes I crawl under my bed and pretend I'm a carrot."

Beca stares at him for a moment as Jesse takes a bite of the carrot and she says, "Dude, I don't even know what that _means_. Sometimes, I can't believe I _married_ you."

Jesse grins. "Sometimes, I can't believe it, too."

Beca's phone buzzes. She absently picks it up and sees Chloe's face, smiles, knows it's a message from her. Jesse quietly leans over, quirks an eyebrow.

After a few minutes, Jesse says, tentatively, "So, Beca…"

"Yeah?"

"Do you have a toner for Chloe? Which, as you know, is defined by Aubrey as a musical _boner_."

Beca blushes and is caught speechless for a while before she brings her hand up and hits him upside on the head.

"What the hell, Beca, will you _stop_ that?" Jesse says. "That was an honest, innocent question. And you have that sort of post-coital glow on your face that I can recognize anywhere and which I've noticed you only have around Chloe and only around Chloe…"

"That deserved an honest-to-goodness slap on the head," Beca says. "Honestly, Jesse…"

"What? I was just _curious_ ," Jesse says. "I was hoping you could settle a long-standing debate the guys at Trebles have had since our time at Barden."

"What?" Beca asks.

Jesse stops, looks up at Beca and asks, in all seriousness, "The debate on, you know…whether the hottest Bella's carpet matches the drapes?"

It takes Beca a few moments to figure out what Jesse is saying, before Jesse bursts out laughing and Beca blushes and hits Jesse upside on the head. "You are such an _asshole_ ," Beca says. "And even if I knew, I'm never going to tell."

"Crap, now I'll never know," Jesse says, feigning dejection and frustration.

Jesse lets Beca silently work on her laptop, before he says, teasingly, "Beca…"

"What?" Beca says, intent on finishing her mix.

Jesse is silent for a few moments before he says, "I can see your boner from here."

Beca glares at him before she hits him on the head again and says, "That's my dick, moron. And it's bigger than yours."

"Dammit, Beca, why'd you have to switch teams after we get a divorce?"

Beca rolls her eyes and says, "You're really just asking for it now, aren't you?"

Jesse closes his eyes and whispers, "Be gentle."

Beca hits him on the head again and Jesse grunts in pain, rubbing the back of his head after.

"So…you're not sleeping with Chloe?" Jesse asks again.

Beca looks at him and says, "Fuck off, Jesse." After a few moments, she says, "And the answer is no." Technically she hadn't, so it wasn't like she was actually lying.

"Whatever, dude!" Jesse says now. "But if you guys ever hook up and do the civil union or commitment ceremony thing or whatever, I am so invited, yeah?"

"Whatever, dude," Beca replies to him now.

After a few minutes, Jesse says, "So how long?"

Beca looks at him in confusion. "How long is what? How long has it been since I last got laid?" she asks, with a smirk on her face and an eyebrow raised. "Because as far as I know that stopped being your business when I signed the divorce papers."

Jesse rolls his eyes. "How long is this imaginary dick of yours…?"

Jesse doesn't even see her lightning quick fingers as she slaps him again.

As Jesse rubs the back of his head, Beca says, "I'd say definitely bigger than yours…"

Jesse laughs. After a few minutes, Jesse says, "Can I hear what you're working on?"

"No," Beca says, curtly. "See, now you're just being the annoying kid brother I'm so glad I never had. Seriously, how have we ended up being together for more than a decade without me noticing how much of an asshole you are?" Beca says now, settling back on the couch, making a face as she does so.

"I have no idea," Jesse says now, smirking.

Jesse doesn't even see it as Beca hits him on the head again. Jesse grins and says, "Fine, but let me listen to your new mixes anyway."

After much arguing between the two, Beca finally lets Jesse listen to what she is mixing. Beca starts to play some new mixes she's been doing. She says, "I know it's lame, but I liked it and I wanted to do something different."

Jesse is silent for a while, listening, before he says, "Wow."

"Yeah, I know, it's bad…it's…"

"This is awesome!" Jesse says. "I really like it."

"Really?" Beca asks now, her turn to be surprised.

"Yeah," Jesse says. "It's kind of different from the stuff you usually do, but it's great nonetheless."

"Wow, thanks," Beca says now with a grin.

"Yeah, now I should totally have a copy of this," Jesse says now as he grabs Beca's laptop and scrolls through it.

"Jesse! Are you twelve? Give me back my laptop!" Beca says now, "It's nowhere near finished and…"

Suddenly the phone rings as Beca is trying to grab her laptop back from Jesse and Jesse refuses, Beca's laptop in his hand, high up in the air, whilst Beca tries to jump up to get it and Jesse laughs as he grabs the phone from Beca.

"Give me back my laptop, you ass," Beca says now as she tries to get her laptop. "And my phone."

"Never!" Jesse says now, chuckling as he keeps the laptop high in the air, clearly enjoying watching Beca jump up and down like a little dog for her laptop.

Beca tries to grab the phone and laptop, but then she trips, tries to grab Jesse and they both crash to the floor with a loud thud.

Beca tries to be annoyed as pain shoots up her body, but she finds Jesse laughing in the midst of a half-hearted apology and she finds herself laughing, too.

They laugh and laugh and laugh, laugh - laugh in a way that they never did in the past, and probably never will, until the laughter dies away, replaced by silence.

They look at each other then.

Jesse leans up and plants a tender kiss on Beca's lips.

Beca smiles and runs a fingertip on Jesse's face.

"I love you, you weirdo," Beca whispers.

Jesse laughs.

And that is how Chloe finds them: lying on the floor, on top of each other, kissing.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"Hey," Chloe says.

Both Jesse and Beca look at Chloe as she looks from Beca to Jesse and back, an unanswered question in her eyes. There is also this look in her eyes that Beca has come to recognize is something that she only has whenever Beca mentions Jesse. She certainly seems to have that look now when she sees Beca and Jesse together.

"Oh, uh, hey, Chloe," Jesse says, sheepishly now, putting the laptop down as Beca promptly grabs her laptop from him. "We were just…hanging out…"

"He's an ass, don't mind him," Beca says now, glaring at Jesse. "Um, what are you doing here?" she asks Chloe at about the same time Jesse says, "Because you wouldn't give me a copy of your new mixes!"

"Are you fucking twelve?" Beca turns to him, rolling her eyes as she does so.

"Fine," Jesse says, before he glances at his watch, looks up at both women and says, "I've got to go anyway. I'll catch you guys later, yeah?"

Both women nod as Jesse goes back to the living room to grab his laptop before he marches back to the front door, says goodbye to the two women and leaves, but not before catching Beca's eye when Chloe's back is turned, and he gives Beca a thumb's up sign. Beca replies with a swift middle finger in his direction. Jesse smirks as he gets into his car.

They both watch him drive away in his car before they both step inside. They stand in front of each other, in the hallway, not knowing what to say, before Beca speaks up and says, "Um, do you want some…tea, or something?"

Chloe nods.

"Okay," Beca says now.

Over hot brewed coffee for Beca, tea for Chloe, in Beca's kitchen, both women sit near each other, not knowing what to say. Beca still can't believe Chloe is here, in her kitchen, where before she'd just wished she was here and now Beca is completely overwhelmed by Chloe's presence, drinking in her wild profusion of red hair, the smooth skin, those incredible blue eyes that are now currently looking down at her mug of tea.

There is silence between them, before Beca says, "So how long are you staying for this time?"

Beca hates that the question doesn't sound as casual as it should, that it actually sounds like a whine, a complaint and she bites her lower lip when she's asked the question, before she shakes her head and says, "I…I didn't mean it like…I'm sorry…"

Beca swallows. She starts to flush from embarrassment. She thinks maybe she has overstepped the line and she stares into her coffee cup and suddenly has the urge to walk out, or disappear off the face of the earth.

Chloe sits silently before her, not offering any answer, and Beca feels the anxiety and panic start to build again. The thing is, she's afraid, afraid Chloe will leave again, when all she wants is for Chloe to stay, maybe stay forever, but Beca doesn't want her to stay just because Beca asked her to, but because she wants to stay. Chloe hasn't shown any indication that she had wanted to stay. If anything, this side of Chloe, this carefree, free spirit side of her, seems to be in full force these days, and Beca sometimes feels like any day now, Chloe will up and leave like she did when they were at Barden and Beca would be left to pick up the pieces again, like she had when Jesse had left.

She tries to push all these thoughts and feelings down though, knowing that thinking of all of these things right now, so early in whatever it is that she has with Chloe now, isn't particularly helpful or healthy. The only thing Beca knows is she thinks she might be feeling something more, something deeper for Chloe, and she hasn't actually asked herself what all of it could mean, or how it would affect what she has now with Chloe. She knows though that she just wants to be next to Chloe. And that she's really glad Chloe's with her right now.

She watches Chloe as she runs a finger on the rim of her cup. She shrugs. "I don't know."

When Chloe doesn't say anything, Beca asks, "You okay?" She fights the urge to run away from this awkward situation right now.

Chloe nods.

Beca leans over. "Okay. So you don't seem okay…I…"

Chloe gazes at Beca for a few seconds opens her mouth, starts to speak, then shuts her mouth again. "Beca…" she starts.

Beca knits her eyebrows. "What?"

Chloe takes a deep breath. "What…I don't know how to say this but…what's up with you and Jesse?" Chloe finally asks.

Beca shrugs. "We're friends."

Chloe gives her a half smile. "Friends." It is a half-statement, half-question. She nods, looks down at her mug, then looks up again. "Friends…right." She stares down at her mug again before she looks at Beca and says, "You make a habit of kissing ex-es who became friends again?"

Beca is taken aback by Chloe's tone. "What? No," she sputters. She reddens. "Of course not. I…we…we just…he's Jesse…"

"Who happens to be your ex-husband…"

"Yes, but…"

"Who you recently divorced…"

"Yeah, but that doesn't matter…"

"Who, for awhile, you were so devastated over and suicidal over…"

Beca's face reddens. "Yeah, but that's….all water under the bridge now…"

"So what's up with you two then?"

"We're _friends_ ," Beca reiterates.

Chloe shakes her head. "No, you and I are friends…You and Jesse… I don't know…"

Beca is about to answer then she stops, knits her brows and says, "What's up with you? We weren't doing anything…."

Chloe shakes her head. "Nothing."

"I mean, it's not like we were doing anything wrong," Beca continues. "We were just…fooling around…"

"See that's the thing with you, it's just…fooling around and not taking things seriously and just…"

"What the big deal?!" Beca cuts Chloe off, her voice high and irritated. "He's my ex-husband, we've known each other since college, what do you expect me to do…?

"Nothing," Chloe says.

"What, you expect me to just forget the 10 years we were together?"

Chloe starts to shake her head. "No."

"So what do you want me to do?" Beca demands.

"Do whatever you want!" Chloe shoots back.

"Do whatever I want," Beca says flatly. She realizes then she is standing close to Chloe.

"Yeah. Do whatever the hell you want."

"What I want?" Beca confirms.

"Yes!" Chloe says irritatedly. "Just do whatever the hell you want, I don't care…"

Before Chloe finishes her sentence, Beca has leaned up, grabbed Chloe's face and plants a long, deep kiss on Chloe's lips.

A silence descends on both of them. Surprise registers on Chloe's face, then confusion, then a few other expressions before she puts her hands on Beca's shoulders and pushes her back.

"Beca, no," she says softly.

Beca is confused as well, she tries to speak, but Chloe says, "No, Beca, no."

"Chloe…"

"What is this?" Chloe says, her voice higher, her face a mixture of emotions, but mostly irritation.

"I thought…"

Chloe shakes her head. "No, you can't…" When Beca tries to speak, Chloe cuts her off, "You just can't, Beca…You can't just...do that..." She pauses before she says, "I mean...what does all this even mean...?"

Beca is confused, but she smiles, hopeful, uncertain, and says, "Chloe...I don't know what we have right now but...it doesn't have to be anything you don't want it to be, okay? I mean...I know this is happening too fast and I don't even really know what it is...but we can take it slow and I know you think I'm still hung up on Jesse...but nothing's going on and I kind of just want to see where this one goes instead...I..." Beca falters, realizing she's rambling, realizing Chloe is silent. Chloe is looking at her with an expression she's never seen before. Anger.

Chloe just looks at her and shakes her head. "Beca, you shouldn't be with anyone right now..."

"Chloe..."

Chloe is firm. Her voice is cold. "No, Beca, you shouldn't be with anyone right now. Not Jesse. Not me. Not anyone."

"Chloe, please..."

"I think I should leave," Chloe says.

She starts for the door. Before she opens it, she says, "I don't really want to see you ever again, Beca. I'm sorry. I thought I could do this. But I can't. I can't do this anymore. I can't go through this again. I'm sorry."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"Chloe…" Beca says, "Please don't go… What's going on…?"

Chloe is silent for what seems like forever. "You gave up."

"Chloe, what are you talking about?" Beca asks now, confused. "Give up? On what?"

"Back in college, at Barden," Chloe says. "You…"

Beca is confused. "I don't understand, Chloe. You left. You didn't even say goodbye. And sooner or later, you're going to leave again. You're leaving now. _Again_. And god knows when I'll see you again." She shakes her head. "I don't know. I just… I don't know…I mean, I don't even know what this is. What are we? What's going on?"

Chloe looks at her in exasperation, voice sounding tight and controlled. "If you have to ask that, then you don't know what this is… I mean you chose Jesse..."

Beca looks at her , before she says, "Seriously? You're picking a fight with me? Right now? Because last time I checked, I wasn't the one who chose left. And anyway, that was different, that was a long time ago. I'm choosing you now."

Chloe sighs. "How do I know you're not going to choose Jesse again? I mean, I've seen how you two are together. And I can't compete with what you have. I can't compete with Jesse, Beca. How do I know you're not going to get back together again and just…leave me hanging or something?"

Beca says, "Jesse's just a friend now." Then she says, "I don't understand what the big deal is."

Chloe says, "The big deal is you talk to Jesse about _everything_. I see him all the time in your apartment. I mean you came here with him. I'm sick and tired of seeing you with Jesse all the time."

Beca says, "Are you asking me to choose between you and Jesse? Why do I have to choose between you and Jesse?"

Chloe replies, "I'm not asking you to do anything, Beca." Chloe pauses, looks at Beca and asks, "What am I to you, anyway, Beca?"

Beca looks at her, confused. "What are you talking about? _No._ I mean, you don't even tell me what's happened to you since the last time I saw you…"

Chloe sighs now. "That's what I was trying to do now," Chloe says. "Opening up to you, talking to you. But you're so selfish you don't even get it…"

Beca feels like an idiot now.

"Chloe, I'm sorry," Beca says softly now.

"Frankly, I don't even know why I'm here now, Beca. I've..." Chloe stops, the continues, "Beca, I can't deal with this right now." They are silent for a while, before Chloe says, "Beca, I think you should…just go... I thought it might different this time around but …Don't call me, don't text me, don't email me, don't do anything. Just leave me alone …"

"Chloe…" Beca starts to say, but Chloe has shaken her head and has turned and walked away, leaving Beca alone.

* * *

There are a number of times when she is tempted to call Chloe, or leave a message for her, or just text her on her mobile phone, but Beca chickens out at the last minute.

But then after a few months and there are no calls or messages from Chloe, and there are no visits, Beca realizes she actually misses Chloe and so she actually gets the courage to call.

Her problems with Chloe affect Beca in ways she cannot imagine. She hits a brick wall in her composing. The producers, studio executives, her agent, Jesse, are all asking about the soundtrack. When Jesse calls her once, she says that she's currently experiencing a brick wall, so Jesse comes one day, with the DVD of a movie called "Cloud Atlas".

"What's this?" Beca asks.

Jesse shrugs. "I saw this once on cable and I couldn't stop watching it. Benji absolutely loves it. I'd like you to watch and listen to the soundtrack with me."

So they watch the movie. On the halfway mark, there is a nice quotation that Jesse and one of the lead characters recite, "All boundaries between sound and noise are just conventions…"

Here, Jesse looks at Beca and says, "In fact, all boundaries are conventions…waiting to be transcended."

Beca looks at him, silently, before Jesse puts an arm around Beca and says, "Beca, I love you, really I do, but sometimes, you have got to be the most emotionally impotent person I know. I know why you're having problems with your composing…"

"Oh, yeah?" Beca asks, trying to sound cocky, but failing miserably.

"Yeah," Jesse says. When Beca doesn't offer anything, Jesse says, "You love Chloe…"

Beca makes to protest, and starts to deny it, opening her mouth, before closing it again, unable to say anything. "I…that's not…I don't…"

"Yeah, you do," Jesse says. "I've seen the way you look at her. I've seen how happy you are with her. You weren't that happy with me. I don't understand why you'd deny yourself that happiness now…"

"Jesse…"

"Beca," Jesse says, in reply. "If you have a chance for happiness, then you should grab it. That's like a once in a lifetime kind of thing. Like the unstoppable force with the immovable object and stuff. You deserve to be happy. Chloe deserves it, too. Why torture yourself?"

Beca is silent as Jesse continues, "There is this theory that I have, I don't remember now where I heard it, maybe I saw it in a movie or read in a book, or perhaps heard from a professor during a lecture, or maybe I heard it from Benji, I don't know…But it has something to do with moments of impact."

"Moments of impact define who you are for the rest of your life," Jesse continues. "Each one is the sum total of all the people that you've ever met, all the moments that you have ever experienced. It defines who you are, it's like a record, a greatest hits compilation that you can repeat over and over again. It's these moments of impact that are turning points in your life, that open doors for potentials for change."

As Beca only looks at him, Jesse says, "And what you do, Beca, with those moments of impact, can either make or break whatever happens with the rest of your life…"

Beca thinks about this as she looks at Jesse, then at the movie playing on the screen, and what she remembers is Chloe, in her arms, holding Chloe and twirling her around, and dipping her and swaying with her and laughing with her, dancing as Bruno Mars' "Just the Way You Are" starts to play and the lights dim and Chloe grins, leans over, grabs Beca by the hands to pull Beca to her and says, "Oh, my god, Beca, they're playing our song."

Beca grins back as Chloe puts her arms around Beca and starts to slow dance with her. Beca doesn't know what to do at first, but everyone else is either dancing or chatting, or too drunk or tired or all of the above to notice two ladies slow dancing to a Bruno Mars song. Plus other couples were either male-female or same sex ones dancing on the dance floor, so when Beca realizes it is okay, she puts her arms around Chloe and smiles, enjoying the feel of Chloe's body against her own.

As she remembers holding Chloe in her arms, she feels it, realizes it now, what moments of impact. It hits her full force, this realization that dawns on her, this certainty, that she is in love with Chloe Beale. And for some strange reason, as she holds Chloe, everything else comes back to her, the first time she meets Chloe, the smile on her face, what she was wearing, the way her eyes dance with that perpetual mischief and mirth, she remembers the first time she's seen her body naked, remembers how she's looked then, remembers that time Chloe had walked into her shower at Barden, actually realizes how much she's memorized that body, and how little that body has changed since then, except for the scar above her eyebrow and the scar on her arm. She remembers the smile on Chloe's face when she auditioned that first time for the Bellas, remembers the look of happiness on her face hood night, declaring that Beca was going to be her best friend, the practice sessions they had, the few nights before Nationals that they spent when Chloe was helping her choose the set list to mix, practicing and choreographing for the ICCA, Nationals, and that moment, the night before ICCA when she had been teaching Chloe how she did her mixes and they'd shared a look, Chloe holding her gaze with her own blue eyes and they share a moment of awkward silence that quickly stretches into even more awkwardness as Beca feels herself blushing. She thinks back now to the past few months of being with Chloe, and realizes how much she adores how Chloe laughs, how Chloe smiles, how Chloe holds her at night when they sleep, how they make love, how she even loves the boring, domesticity they share, how she likes that Chloe is there when she wakes up, and Chloe is there right before she sleeps, and she's there in between.

It is then that Beca realizes she loves Chloe and Jesse must have realized that she has finally realized it because Jesse grins, grabs her phone and hands it to her.

"Go on, call her," Jesse says.

Chloe doesn't answer her calls. She calls her a few more times, during the next few days, emails her, messages her, asking her if they could meet.

Still, Chloe doesn't answer.

As Beca turns her mobile phone off, she realizes that maybe it is too late already.


End file.
